Thoughts from a Babbling Brooke

My heart just breaks

2010-03-10T19:25:00.000-08:00

One of the teenage girls I work with a lot had a rough day today. I have become very fond of this girl, she is extremely likable and just a sweetheart. I hate to see her upset. Tonight we were supposed to go out to dinner to celebrate some triumphs she has had in working on her therapeutic goals, and we still went to dinner but the tone was very different. I cannot go into much detail of course, but she found out some news that just was like someone smacking her in the face with a frying pan. It was horrible for her to hear, horrible timing by the person telling her, and just a bad situation all around. I just hate when the kids I work with are treated poorly, they have had such a hard life already, they do not need any more crap in their lives. Tonight as I rubbed her back as she cried I almost started crying with her because my heart truly does break every day for each of these kids. Please keep this young girl in your prayers.

3 Cups of Tea Book Club

2010-03-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Today, we actually did have tea in our Three Cups of Tea book club I do with some of my youth, it was lovely:)

Thought on peace

2010-02-28T08:27:00.000-08:00

The below scripture and thought is from the Sojourner's website. I felt it fit well with my emphasis on peace this Lenten season.

Pursue peace with everyone, and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14

Very often, people who are in conversation with servants, people who gain knowledge of the realities of life

Valerie Elverton Dixon, from her essay,"Servant Knowledge"

Ashes, blues and peace

2010-02-18T08:20:00.000-08:00

So I apologize to my readers, that I have taken so long to write on here. I feel like I have had writers block for awhile. I have written in my journal, but those are more personal writtings. Anyways a little reflection from today...ramblings as usual.

We had our ashe wednesday service tonight at chapel and it is always meaningful to perform various spiritual rituals with my kids. I love communion weeks and tonight was special as well. Taking the time with each kid and staff to have them kneel and then putting a sign of the cross on their heads and sending them forth with a blessing is meaningful. Rituals can be very moving.

I think I have the winter time blues...I just am in a rut, with my faith, with friends, with my routine...my life just seems to need a recharge. I am hoping I am just in need of a vacation...which I will be in North Carolina in a month! I need to see the ground, I am sick of snow! I want sunshine and flowers! I want to wear flip flops and go to the park. I want to have a picnic.
I do not do good with the unknown, I am a planner. I like to be in control. Currently I have no idea what my future holds. It is a big year of change. Change with my family, change in my life, change in jobs, change in location. Crazy times, but so much amazing future on the horizon, lots of joyous events!

As we enter into this season of Lent, I know the blues are not going to just magically leave, and the ashes on my head right now are a good reminder of that. But times are a changing and Easter and spring are on the horizon. And as my addition to my life during Lent I am going to try to add more peace to my life and others lives. Tonight in celebration of Black History Month, I shared with the kids about Maya Angelou, the amazing poet, and shared her poem Amazing Peace. I will share it below with you:

In our joy, we think we hear a whisper.

At first it is too soft. Then only half heard.

We listen carefully as it gathers strength.

We hear a sweetness.

The word is Peace.

It is loud now.

Louder than the explosion of bombs.

We tremble at the sound.

We are thrilled by its presence.

It is what we have hungered for.

Not just the absence of war. But true Peace.

A harmony of spirit, and comfort of courtesies.

Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.

We, Angels and Mortals, Believers and Nonbelievers,

Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.

Peace. We look at each other, then into ourselves,

And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation:

Peace, My Brother.

Peace, My Sister.

Peace, My Soul.

As I enter into this season of Lent, those last 3 lines stick with me, and will be my focus.

Being Present...

2009-07-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I haven't written on here lately. I have been rather busy, and most recently sick with a bad case of the flu. I have been at a loss for words as well. Before my vacation, I was in much need of some rejuvenation. I got that on vacation. I came back and was thrown into a whirlwind of craziness of being back at work, with a new summer schedule, various staff out because of injuries, my boss leaving for a long vacation, lots of new kids, and then to top it off I had to get sick. It's been intense. Amidst all that I am struggling to find balance in my life, what things I feel are most important, things I need to keep sane, where I will seek my spiritual needs, basically trying to prioritize and re-evaluate.

This has been an amazing first "almost" year at Cunningham and here in Champaign-Urbana. But now that I am settled in, comes the joys of seeing what worked this year and what didn't, what I need more of, what I can do with out. Also the ever coming future is out there in the distance as well. I try not to think about it but I can't. I always have been a planner, note making, to-do list fanatic. I just like to know what's next, and what I need to do to get there. I have always wished I was more spontaneous, laid back, and go-with-the-flow, but that just hasn't been me.

I guess it is only fitting that I would find a guy, that is spontaneous, laid back and go-with-the-flow. Sometimes it drives me crazy, like when he randomly says, "We are having dinner with my mom in an hour", when I am out grocery shopping. But it's great at times, especially after a hard week, and at 11 at night he says, "let's go swimming!" or we just veg out and watch a movie (meaning he watches it and I fall asleep usually). I'm learning to embrace whatever very small spontaneous side of me there is. It's made for some relief from the stress and intensity of work.

This post is really random and babbling, but you know me! I'm all over the place with trying to figure out life, the next step, what I want to be when I grow up. But as I was looking at my journal and reflecting on the one thing I really wanted to do during these 2 years, I realized that over and over I said these things:

BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT...be present in my job, with my friends, with the community
HAVE FUN
Don't get caught up in the future and forget to embrace the present

So I guess I should take my own advice and try to be present in the moment. The present is good, (minus this stupid flu, but it made me slow down, so I guess its not too bad), the present is greater than I could have ever imagined, the present is teaching me so much each day, I am growing in the present.

Welcome to Durham

2009-06-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Durham, NC...one of the coolest cities in my opinion. Here are some pictures from where my parents now reside. This is a picture from the roof of our parking deck, where you can see the lucky strike water tower. This used to be a tobacco town.

This is a view of the city, you can see my church sticking up in the distance!

Here it is, where my parents now live! It's on the 2nd floor in the blue building with yellow trim.

We live above a pharmacy. I love that my family are city dwellers now! And below is a view of the inside. It is really hard to show pictures of the inside you must come and see it, it is something you don't fully grasp until you enter inside. Needless to say I love this place!!! We leave tomorrow for the beach, but I am excited to walk to church in the morning and on Monday get some coffee down the street!

Salt Water for the Soul

2009-06-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

In 5 days I leave for my vacation in the great state of North Carolina! And in 7 days I will be at the glorious beach, Emerald Isle. Some of you might be asking, where??? Well is is one of the many beautiful NC beaches. My family has been going here ever since before I was born and it has become one of those places you just can't stay away from. Last year we went to Sunset Beach and although it was beautiful, Emerald Isle holds a special place in my heart.
Maybe it's the tradition, maybe its the great bookstore they have there, maybe its all the memories that come up each time we arrive. I can't wait to see views like these, walking to the pier, sitting on the porch and looking out across the ocean.
I am in beach withdrawal and I have been excited about this vacation all year! I am excited to spend a week away in one of my favorite places with my wonderful family:) I also am realizing how much I need a vacation. To be honest I am tired and need some rejuvenation. It's been a hard winter/spring and I'm in need of some salt air, water and sand to do wonders for my soul. Yesterday I picked up some books for the trip, I got some new music off iTunes, and I ordered a new bathing suit. I think I am more than ready for this vacation. So in one week I will be walking out on a walkway to the beach just like this, and when I see that glorious ocean, I think my soul will be happy...

Books I Want to Read

2009-05-18T18:15:00.000-07:00

I have a grand plan of reading some books this summer. Here are some books I cannot find at the local library that are on my wish list now:) I will try to keep you up to date on what I am reading, if you have some suggestions, fiction or non-fiction send them my way!

1. God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer by Bart D. Ehrman

God's Problem

* So many people have asked me this question lately (friends and kids) and I feel I need to take a look at some scholarly research on it.

2. The God I Don't Believe In: Charting a New Course for Christianity by Gary L. Wilburn

The God I don't believe in...
*This book sounds like a refreshing look at Christianity and it has great reviews
3. Leaving the Church-A Memoir of Faith by Barbara Brown-Taylor

*I am very interested in hearing from lots of female pastor perspectives as I continue my process of discernment, Barbara Brown Taylor is one such pastor. The review of this book was phenomenal and this was included in the review, "Anyone who is thinking about going to seminary; anyone that is thinking about leaving the church; anyone who is wondering why church has become so difficult; anyone who is wondering why good clergy are becoming more difficult to find; anyone who cares about the postmodern church; anyone who is trying to find a way to re-conceptualize their Christian faith so that it matches the reality of the twenty-first century, should read this book."

**4.Souls in the Hands of a Tender God: Stories of the Search for Home and Healing on the Streets by Craig Rennebohm

Souls in the Hands...
*This is the one I want to finish for sure this summer! This book is written by a Chaplain that has worked in the Mental Health field for many years, his perspective sounds wonderful and much worth reading. The review said, "I recommend this book particularly to professionals in the mental health field, to those who have struggled with mental/emotional problems, and to those who have mentally disturbed family members or friends. Your understanding and patience will be rewarded."

Happy Mother's Day Mom:)

2009-05-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Mom,

I am so broke, so purchasing a present was going to be a little difficult this year so for your Mother's day gift I decided to give you a tribute here on my blog. So, Mom, have a wonderful Mother's Day!!! I wish I was there to celebrate with you, but last year I graduated for Mother's day & found out where I was going to be a missionary, so it's hard to top that! This year I am just a missionary starting my 2nd year of service haha. I love you Mom!

Love,

Your oldest, Brookie

The Top 10 Reasons (I could go on all day) Why My Mom is Amazing:)

1. Everyone loves her! No seriously, her choirs always love her, the kids love her, the parents do, she is just very lovable.

2. She teaches music and has always made music apart of our lives and never pushed it on us (well there was that one time with the Meredith Girls Chorus, I guess I forgive you!). Page took after you more than me, but I still love to sing.

3. She loves to go antique shopping and thrift store shopping. She always finds a deal and I love this about her. She also decorates our house in cool ways, and finds cool places to live like our new loft!!!

4. She always made time for us growing up, even when she was stressed, tired and busy with church work.

5. She has been extremely supportive of all my crazy mission endeavors. This means a lot.

6. When I'm home we love to go get coffee and a fruit bowl from Foster's and sit outside and talk:) I cherish these moments.

7. I talk to her every day, It's rare if we skip more than 2 days without talking. She's always there to listen to me vent, or to give some advice.

8. She is independent, she left home right after High School and moved far away to do what she really wanted to do. She did things she wanted to do before she settled down. She's not afraid to take risks.

9. She has always remained herself, through marriage for 25+ years, 3 kids, various jobs, many moves, and lots of change. She is still true to herself. She's been a good role model for me on that.

10. She raised the 3 of us to be good kids (well I guess she is still raising Amie!). She pinched pennies to get us on vacations each year. She made sure we had all we needed in school. She supported all we did.

Beautiful Boone:)

2009-05-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

I am very behind on blog entries. So there will be few close together. 2 weekends ago I went to NC to visit friends, grad school, seminary, and tell people about being a US-2. It was a fast and crazy trip, but a much needed one. This post will focus on one element of the trip... My first time visiting my alma mater since I graduated a year ago.

I'm not going to lie, I was very apprehensive about going to visit. I mean I have moved on, my life has changed so much since I was in college. I loved most of my college years and I am grateful for them. But I wanted to run away from them as fast as I could, and I did. I ran until I got to Urbana, IL. I have many friends still in Boone. I missed them, but I wanted my new life. But I missed those mountains so much. Usually you do not appreciate something fully until you loose it. That is how I was with the mountains. So on that glorious driving up the mountains I could not help but smile and thank God for letting me live there for 4 years, and for letting me return.

The drive up was blessed with some wonderful conversations with my friend Kara. We are both working for very little money trying to save the world (or at least our small populations we work with). I'm so glad we have kept in touch, we have gone through similar things this year and it is comforting to have a friend that knows how you feel. Upon arrival in Boone I got to see so many people, it was wonderful!!!

Saturday, we woke up and went to breakfast at my favorite place, Melanies Food Fantasy (doesn't that just sound amazing!) It's an organic/hippee place that has the most amazing food. Their vegan biscuits and gravy are delicious, greek omlette is to die for, and the french toast is out of this world. I only had the french toast this time. But it was a wonderful way to start off a day in Boone, and it was extra special because it was my friend Sarah's Birthday!!! After breakfast we headed to the parkway! Like old times we congregated on lots of blankets trying to bask up the spring sun. Some of us got burnt, but it was worth it! My dear friend Kelly brought her guitar, morrocas, and tamborine and we rocked out to our favorite jams and there was even a hippee dance involved (are you suprised?).

Dinner that night was lovely with seeing more friends and celebrating Sarah's birthday:)

Church in the morning was unexpectedly wonderful. I got to see people I didn't expect to, like Jennifer and Robert + The Hege's + Reed + The Farrington's. It was such a God send. Lunch with some people, and then Megan and I were off back to Durham.

It was an emotional weekend, realizing things had moved on with out me, but also so much stayed the same. I realized how much I have changed, and I thanked God for changing me. Boone is still one of my favorite places in the world. Those mountains are good for the soul:)

DUKE/CAROLINA

2009-05-08T19:15:00.000-07:00

While I was down in NC, I visited both Duke and Carolina. Duke for their Master's of Divinity Program and Carolina for their Master's of Social Work Program. They offer a Dual-Degree program that you can complete in 4 years between the 2 schools. I was very interested in the program and wanted to check it all out. I am still in discernment mode on all of it. I have a lot to still chew on after visiting the 2 schools. I was very impressed with them both. I just have a lot to think about with it all. I would apply to both in probably September and would hear from Duke by Christmas, and Carolina in probably February. I haven't had much time to process since I got back so I hope there is some time this summer that I can really spend time figuring things out. We will see what the fall of 2010 will bring... it will be a hard transition from working full time back into school. But to do what I want to do for the future I need to go to seminary at least. Oh decisions, decisions...I'm just trying not to rush this one.

Jesus - The long-haired radical socialist Jew

2009-05-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

My friend shared this on her blog today and I just loved it and had to share it with you all!

Well Jesus was a homeless lad,
with an unwed mother and an absent dad,
and I really don’t think he would have gotten that far,
if Newt, Pat, and Jesse had followed that star.

So let’s all sing out praises to
that long-haired radical socialist Jew.

When Jesus taught the people, he
would never charge a tuition fee.
He just took some fishes and some bread
and made up free school lunches instead.

So let’s all sing out praises to
that long-haired radical socialist Jew.

He healed the blind and made them see;
he brought the lame folks to their feet.
Rich and poor, anytime, anywhere,
just pioneering that free healthcare!

So let’s all sing out praises to
that long-haired radical socialist Jew

Jesus hung with a low-life crowd
but those working stiffs sure did him proud
some were murderers, thieves, and whores
but at least they didn’t do it as legislators

So let’s all sing out praises to
that long-haired radical socialist Jew.

Jesus lived in troubled times—
the religious right was on the rise.
Oh what could have saved him from his terrible fate?
Separation of church and state.

So let’s all sing out praises to
that long-haired radical socialist Jew.

Sometimes I fall into deep despair
when I hear those hypocrites on the air.
But every Sunday gives me hope
when pastor, deacon, priest, and pope
are all singing out their praises to
some long-haired radical socialist Jew.

They’re singing out their praises to…oooo…oooo…
some long-haired radical socialist Jew.

Jumping into a pool with your clothes on!

2009-04-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give a little tribute to my dad on his birthday today! I thought I would give a little highlight as to why I love my dad and am lucky to be his daughter, here goes!

1. When I was little my dad jumped into a blow up plastic swimming pool with all his clothes on because I asked him to come in swimming with me right then. (he tells this a lot in sermons)

2. My dad let me grow up in a downtown neighborhood where I learned a lot about diversity, downtown culture, and being open-minded. It has helped me throughout my life.

3. He always took us to all the cool (and sometimes hole in the wall) local places to eat.

4. He shared his love of pizza with me and I am forever grateful. Brother's pizza will always be the best!!!

5. His midlife crisis consisted of becoming more radical, he participated in Peace Rallies.

6. He cares a ton about people, especially broken people.

7. He has been doing Youth Ministry for over 25 years and he still is good at it.

8. He speaks his mind.

9. Takes me to the beach every year.

10. Is always there for me, even when I would get mad at him in High School or didn't believe that he was right.

11. He gave me the best advice on a relationship. When I broke up with Kevin he told me to go cold turkey and not talk to him for at least a month. I did and it was the best thing I ever did.

12. He encourages and supports me in my mission work and future plans for ministry, but never pushed me into it.

13. He's not afraid to take chances, and that has rubbed off on me. He even was the one that told me about the US-2 program.

14. He knows lots of musicians and I think that is super cool!

15. No matter how rough of a time I am going through, my dad always knows what to say to me. It might be in an e-mail, a card, or a short phone call. It might just be a sentence, or a hug. But sometimes I might not be better until he says something and then I can get through whatever it is. He has the magic dad touch.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!! I love you:)

11 years old, WOW!

2009-04-20T19:52:00.001-07:00

I can't believe my sister is 11 years old today! It seems just like yesterday that she was born! She is now almost as tall as me (this picture was from LAST summer) and she is turning into a cool little tween. I got to spend a week with her this past week and she is turning into a wonderful young lady. We had afternoon tea at the American Girl Doll Store in Chicago and it was the best time I have had in awhile! She was so cute and we had a blast just talking about all kinds of stuff. I like that now we can actually have a conversation. I always regret not being around for her enough once I moved off to college, 3 hours away, and now to Illinois, 12 hours away. It's hard because I want to be there for her and see her grow up, but I also know this is where I am supposed to be. She is great about it though, she misses me but is so supportive of what I do. She tells all her friends that I am a missionary and live in in Illinois. This year she even put my birthday up on her class calendar. She is the best little sister. I can't believe she will be going into MIDDLE SCHOOL in the fall, that scares me! I want to protect her from everything, but I know I am still far away and can't do it all. I hope she knows just how much I love her and will always be there for her no matter the distance. She is a great kid:) I hope to be closer to her after the 2 years are up but you just never know what will happen. I am excited I will see her Thursday too and she wants me to play the new Wii she got for her birthday with her and I can't wait:) So this is my salute to my little sister, whom I affectionately call my Little Princess! (she is spoiled!!!).

HAPPY 11th BIRTHDAY PRINCESS AMIE!!!

Christ the Lord is Risen Today, Alleluia!

2009-04-12T14:58:00.000-07:00

These were the images I got blessed with seeing today! A beautiful Cross with a butterfly, a tomb with flowers, kids & youth (whom some dressed up and it was ADORABLE!), and some balloons! I woke up to a text from my brother wishing me a Happy Easter:) Then I went to a breakfast at church, which was delicious! After that I sat through a 1.5 hour church service that would have not been too bad BUT they did NOT sing, Christ the Lord is Risen Today, which is my favorite hymn. I am pretty sure this is the first year in my whole life I have not sang that song on Easter. My friend Caci and I were devestated. We also had communion, which was different and they and "Were you there?". It was just different for me, but I guess I will survive. Tonight I am going to a Easter dinner at my friend Kristen's and I am going to ask her husband to play Christ the Lord is Risen today, on the piano because I need to hear it!

After service #1, my boss and I ventured to work to begin filling up LOTS of balloons. We had a few issues with finding the key to the helium tank and all kinds of fun things. But after about 30 minutes of wasted time we started filling them up and then had to transport them from the Rec building, to the van, to the Spiritual Life Center, and then to the Chapel. It was hilarious and I have so much static in my hair and body I keep getting shocked! We just barely were ready at 2 when the kids arrived. Things went well for the most part, there were a few hiccups but I think only my boss and I noticed. My favorite part was the balloon release at the end! The kids wrote down something they wanted to, "Let Go, and Let God" and tied it to the balloon. Then we all went out in front of the Chapel and released the balloons. The wind had picked up so they went really fast. I am surprised I even got a shot of them! We all shouted ALLELUIA as we let go of our balloons. It was a lovely Easter:)

I did miss being with family, but they will be here soon! And I am so blessed to have a wonderful group of friends to join together tonight and eat with:) I made some deviled eggs and watergate salad to make myself feel a little at home! HAPPY EASTER TO YOU ALL! It truly is a blessed day to celebrate the Risen Lord, the empty tomb gives us hope for a new life!

Gone to Carolina in my mind

2009-04-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

Oh how I miss the great state of NC. Yesterday on Oprah, James Taylor performed! It was lovely to listen to him sing some of my favorite songs. It took me back even for a moment to NC and the warm sunshine. I always remember my dad singing Fire and Rain with my mom at church things and so when I hear James Taylor I just can't help but get a little sentimental and home sick. Good thing my parents and sister are coming to see my Tuesday and I will be in NC on the 23rd!!! I love it here in Illinois too, but I'm gone to Carolina in my mind...

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm gone to Carolina in my mind

Karen she's a silver sun
You best walk her way and watch it shinin'
Watch her watch the mornin' come
A silver tear appearing now
I'm cryin' ain't I
Gone to Carolina in my mind

There ain't no doubt it no ones mind
That loves the finest thing around
Whisper something soft and kind
And hey babe the sky's on fire,
I'm dyin' ain't I
Gone to Carolina in my mind

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm goin' to Carolina in my mind

Dark and silent late last night
I think I might have heard the highway calling
Geese in flight and dogs that bite
Signs that might be omens say I going, going
I'm gone to Carolina in my mind

With a holy host of others standing around me
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon
And it seems like it goes on like this forever
You must forgive me
If I'm up and gone to Carolina in my mind

In my mind I'm goin' to Carolina
Can't you see the sunshine
Can't you just feel the moonshine
Ain't it just like a friend of mine
It hit me from behind
Yes I'm gone to Carolina in my mind
Gone to Carolina in my mind
Then I'm on to Carolina in my mind
Gone to Carolina in my mind
Gone - I'm gone - I'm gone
Say nice things about me
'Cause I'm gone south
Carry on without me
'Cause I'm gone

Feet

2009-04-09T08:19:00.001-07:00

Last night at Chapel, as we experienced a Seder Meal, I also got the humbling opportunity to wash my kids feet. Some of course didn't want their feet washed because it was a very intimate and different experience. But the ones that did let me wash their feet I am very grateful to because it impacted me so much. As I washed this one girl's feet, I just had to pause to think that this was such an amazing moment in time because, this girl,

1. is extremely hyper all the time so for her to calm down and let me wash her feet was amazing in itself.

2. This is a girl who has lost most of her family in a house fire a few years ago, she is bipolar, many days she drives me up the wall and I think she might be the kid I struggle with the most.

But as I washed her feet I said a prayer thanking God for letting me be humbled in that moment, to be able to wash her feet, to serve her. She thanked me over and over again, and I told her it was my honor. As I moved around the tables washing different kids and staffs feet, I wish I could bottle up the emotions that were in the room. There was some laughter, but mainly just a bunch of kids and adults all joined together in that moment, all being humbled at the act of footwashing. I think some of my kids felt like the disciples, completely baffled as to why someone, especially Jesus (their leader) or Me (their kinda leader) would want to wash THEIR feet. Especially at Cunningham this was even more of a wild and radical thing because staff really do not touch kids unless we have to. We must do side hugs, and we are always telling the kids to be careful of boundaries. But in this moment we let ourselves be completely vulnerable and let someone touch their feet. Sometimes we need these intimate times within our communities. As we concluded our service last night and our guest muscian of the night, Nate, started singing Open the Eyes of my Heart Lord. I could not help but think how fitting that sound was because that night my eyes/heart needed to be opened and when they were, I saw feet and they were such beautiful feet.

Reflect upon the intimate nature of footwashing and hopefully one day soon you will be able to participate in a footwashing.

Email Encouragement

2009-03-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

Sometime's an e-mail from someone you only barely met can be a good push to get through a day. I got an e-mail from Bart Campolo who I have mentioned in some previous posts after I heard him speak the Youth Retreat here in Illinois. He doesn't really know me at all but we have had some similar experiences and we can encourage one another through that. His e-mail wasn't long, but it didn't need to be. I am thankful for people and communities that are trying hard to live out the gospel and encouraging each other while they do. In part of the e-mail he said this:

It sounds like you’re doing great stuff, but I hope you have a community there to support you in doing it. This people loving stuff is really a team sport. On that same note, I hope you will feel free to contact me again if there is ever some way I can be helpful to you. I don’t know everything, but I know lots of good people all over the place who are into this kind of lifestyle and eager to encourage you newbies!

It made me pause and think about the community I have and if I want more in community. I have been blessed with some great friends here in Illinois that are there to listen to my endless stories about my kids, or there to just watch a movie when I need a break from it all, there to have deep conversations or just silly ones to have a good laugh. Then I have my US-2 Missionary community who are all going through what I am, but just all over the country. They are always there to talk and even when it might be months and months inbetween phone convo's it seems like no time has passed.

I do sometimes feel that I seek more in a community...
Communities like The Simple Way, The Rutba House, other monastic communities and the community Bart lives in...
They appeal to me...
I'm still pondering this...

The Zoo: No Koala's, touching sharks, and Brutus the Walrus

2009-03-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

I have been saying I would post a blog entry on my trip to Indianapolis 2 weeks ago, and I am just now getting around to it! It was a really fun day trip with my friends Erin and Eric. We had fun learning about Indiana through our brochures from the Welcome Center. I was amazed, Indiana sound like a cool state. Indianapolis is a cool city, my favorite part was Mass Ave. which is a trendy area with awesome shops, cool wine stores, chocolate store, and a cool kids shop. It was a beautiful day in Indy:)

I did want to point out that the Zoo was fun, but I was saddened by 2 things...

1. They falsely advertised in their brochures that there would be a Koala Exhibit. There were NO Koala's. Instead the new exhibit that was not open yet is going to be the Komono Dragon. I would rather see a Koala. Luckily there were Koala masks in the gift shop so I got to pretend I was a Koala.

2. The dolphin show was sold out. And all I wanted to do was see the freakin dolphins because I LOVE Dolphins. I used to want to be a marine biologist. My dream is to swim with dolphins. Instead we had to watch the dolphins do their show from below while we were in the viewing area. It wasn't too bad but I was still disappointed. But I did get to pet a shark, and that was cool.

Besides those 2 things I had a lovely day hanging out with friends, eating a yummy dinner, walking around a cool city, and enjoying the warmth of a rare warm weekend!

Speaking up

2009-03-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

Some of you might disagree with me on this post, that's ok, I will listen to your opinions as well, I welcome discussion, but here are mine. Back in July I wrote a post about needing to speak up for what is right. I had visited a church in Brooklyn that was an open accepting & affirming United Methodist Church. As all of us US-2's walked into that church and worshiped there that night, I know we felt it was a church that was accepting of all people. Before we even entered there was no doubt that they were accepting people because of their sign that was right beside the entrance, in Large font...

Hand in Hand, we the people of Park Slope United Methodist Church - black and white, straight and gay, old and young, rich and poor - unite as a loving community in covenant with God and the Creation. Summoned by our faith in Jesus Christ, we commit ourselves to the humanization of urban life and to physical and spiritual growth." -- The PSUMC Creed

I wish this was every church's creed. But sadly it is not. We still have so far to go with human & civil rights on the spectrum of Gay (GBLTQ) Rights and also with Race, religion, ethnicity, etc... I watched the movie MILK tonight about Gay Rights Activist Harvey Milk and his fight to not get Prop 6 (a law to not allow Homosexuals and Homosexual Allies to teach in schools or be in other forms of work associated with the government) Passed. He succeeded right before he was assassinated. He said these words that stick with you,Harvey Milk: All men are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words.

Now many years later, California faces Prop 8. One more obstacle for the gay community. And the people that want Prop 8 to pass, are the Christians. Some say, "fundamentalist Christians"...but sadly it's not just the fundamentalists that are at fault, it is all Christians. We should not be standing in the way of civil rights. Jesus, the one we all claim to follow, I honestly believe would NOT be standing in the way of civil rights for homosexuals. You might disagree with me and you are free to your opinion. But the Jesus that I follow and am trying to serve each day would have wanted rights for Gays and people of all sexual orientations and backgrounds. Jesus loved us all, he does love us all. There is no way I can look into the eyes of some of my kids that I work with that have come to me and told me they are struggling with their sexual orientation and tell them they are going to hell or might need to get "fixed". There is no way I will tell them that they can never act on it, because who is to put defining lines around who you can and cannot love. There is no way I can look my friends that have come out to me over the years in the eyes and tell them that I will not be their friends because they are gay or lesbian. And I choose to think that I will end up in a heaven where they are there too, because I know that the God I worship loves all his children. My friends that have come out to me, tell me I am rare in my thinking. But honestly I think there are a lot more allies for the gay community out there with in the Christian community, but people are just afraid to speak up.

To know that not too many years ago, if Prop 6 could have passed in California, and I had become a teacher...and considering that I am an ally to the homosexual community, I would not have a job. That scares me! We might think we have come a long way, but we are still so far from truly accepting all those around us.

Harvey Milk, was an amazing activist, he was passionate about getting rights for his community that he loved so dearly. He said that if everyone could just know 1 person that was gay, that they would not vote for Prop 6. I wonder if the same would be the case for Prop 8? I wonder if the same would be for any civil rights and human rights issue. And not just know a person in passing but truly know someone you care for.

As the Christian community, have we truly gotten to know ALL of our neighbors? I don't think so. Jesus' commandment was to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. Do we truly take that to heart? If we truly loved ALL of our neighbors as much as we love ourselves, then we would be living in a very different world. Maybe the problem is we don't love ourselves. I did have one of my kids tell me the other day that she has a hard time loving herself, and that is why she has a hard time loving and being nice to her peers. I don't think she knew how profound she was. Love yourself, then go out and love your neighbors. As the old Christian song goes:

"They will know we are Christians by our love, by our love, they will know we are Christians by our love"

Where is our love? Do others know Christians by their love?

I have a dream too, like Martin Luther King Jr. did, like Abe Lincoln did, and like Harvey Milk did. I have a dream that one day our kids will not feel judged by Christians on the basis of their ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, political preference, or anything else. I have a dream that kids and people all over the world will feel only love from Christians. It's a big dream, a dream I might never see, but without hope that, that dream will come true one day, I would not be here writing this tonight.

The Summons

2009-03-12T12:15:00.001-07:00

On Tuesday, at my Grad study we were reflection on what Redemption is and what it means to us. We were supposed to spend some time looking through hymns to find one that spoke to us on what we think redemption is. I picked The Summons from The Faith We Sing Book that the United Methodists have. Honestly at first I just picked this song because it is one of my favorites. But after I started to reflect on it I realized that this is very much my view of redemption. It might not be yours but I feel that redemption is that Jesus showed us through his life and ultimate sacrifice that we are to continue the work of his redeeming love for us by setting others free and seek justice throughout our lives. I love this song because it is like God speaking to us and summoning us to do his work in the world and let him transform us. All of the Verses are in question form except for the last, as to leave it in our hands, he has redeemed us but now the ball is in our court. And the last verse "we" answer and say that we will go forth and never be the same, we will go where his footsteps show and we will continue to grow. Take some time today to reflect on the words of this song and maybe take some time to think about what redemption means to you.

The Summons

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown,
will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare, should you life attract a scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in your and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean,
and do such as this un-seen?
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you ue the faith you've found,
to re-shape the world a-round,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord, your summons echoes true when you but call my name
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same
In your company I'll go, where you love and footsteps show
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me

Fool for Christ

2009-03-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

I have been throwing around ideas all morning for a message I will be giving at Chapel on March 25th. I keep coming back to the idea about being a Fool for Christ. When I heard Bart Campolo speak a few weeks ago he brought up the idea to the teens that it's ok to be different and doing radical things if you are following Jesus. But to be prepared because the world will think those things are "foolish". I want to get that idea across to my kids as well. I'll never forget when my dad did a confirmation retreat using the movie Patch Adams (where the Doctor shares the medicine of laughter and humor with his patients and not many people approve). He then came into church and for confirmation Sunday he preached a sermon about being a Fool for Christ. The kids came up to the altar and were confirmed and before they turned around to be presented to the congregation my dad had them all put on red clown noses! As they turned around the congregation erupted in laughter. Yet if those kids walked around with the clown noses on all the time, I doubt they would get the same warm and joyful laughter, instead they would hit criticism and bullying. I am sure the kids didn't realize how profound of a statement they were actually making at the time. But they processed out that day acting like Fools and starting their walk with Christ off right!

I love these 2 scriptures, but at the same time I think they are some of the hardest scriptures to actually live out. It is hard to be different, it is hard to stand up for what is right all the time, it is hard to be something that the world says is foolish. Like the scripture says, We're the Messiah's misfits! Or the title I like is we are Radical Ragamuffins! Obviously back in the early church many were treated as fools or misfits, but now I wonder if we are really living out our faith enough to gain that title. My prayer for us all today is that we can embrace our faith and passion for social justice and peace enough that we will be called misfits and ragamuffins. Be a fool for Christ!

1 Corinthians 4:9-13 (The Message)
9-13It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we're mostly kicked around. Much of the time we don't have enough to eat, we wear patched and threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, "God bless you." When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We're treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture's kitchen. And it's not getting any better.

1 Corinthians 3:18 (The Message)
18-20Don't fool yourself. Don't think that you can be wise merely by being up-to-date with the times. Be God's fool—that's the path to true wisdom. What the world calls smart, God calls stupid. It's written in Scripture, He exposes the chicanery of the chic. The Master sees through the smoke screens of the know-it-alls.

But Who do you say I am?

2009-03-06T06:41:00.000-08:00

Jesus Asked:

"But Who do you say I am?"

Son of Man, Son of God

¹³When Jesus arrived in the villages of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "What are people saying about who the Son of Man is?"

¹⁴They replied, "Some think he is John the Baptizer, some say Elijah, some Jeremiah or one of the other prophets."

¹⁵He pressed them, "And how about you? Who do you say I am?"

¹⁶Simon Peter said, "You're the Christ, the Messiah, the Son of the living God."

^17-18Jesus came back, "God bless you, Simon, son of Jonah! You didn't get that answer out of books or from teachers. My Father in heaven, God himself, let you in on this secret of who I really am. And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out.

¹⁹"And that's not all. You will have complete and free access to God's kingdom, keys to open any and every door: no more barriers between heaven and earth, earth and heaven. A yes on earth is yes in heaven. A no on earth is no in heaven."

²⁰He swore the disciples to secrecy. He made them promise they would tell no one that he was the Messiah.

In chapel on Wednesday night this is the passage of scripture we focused on. We asked a few kids to write a response to this question, "Who is Jesus to you?". The responses about brought me to tears. I wanted to share one with you:

He is someone I go to when I've got a problem and someone who won't judge me. I also feel Jesus can be people that make a difference on you. Because Jesu made a difference on lots of people. Jesus will not judge people. And to me his opinion matters most. ~B, 17 year old~

I am always amazed at the things my kids will say. They have been through so much pain, but they know Jesus is there for them and will comfort them. Today spend something answering that question Jesus poses to his disciples and now to you, "Who is Jesus to you?".

Jesus Questions

2009-03-06T06:39:00.000-08:00

Here are some Jesus Questions to focus on today:

Jesus asks:

Why did you doubt?

Matthew 14:31 (The Message)

³¹Jesus didn't hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, "Faint-heart, what got into you?"

Jesus asks:

Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not
notice the log in your own eye?

Matthew 7

A Simple Guide for Behavior

^1-5 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Is God a community member?

2009-03-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

Last night at my Graduate bible study we were discussing what Jesus' sacrifice means to us. We all had different ideas and also had many that overlapped each other. It was nice to spend that time reflecting on what Jesus' sacrifice means to us on a personal level. In many ways that is what Lent is all about. During our study of sacrifice throughout the bible we have come across multiple times the reference to the idea that during the Old Testament sacrifice was always about repairing and maintaining community and personal relationships within the community (which included God as a community member). I posed the question last night on whether we had included God as a community member in our community. It's a hard question to answer because you feel like you should say yes, because we worship because of God and to praise him, right? But do we truly include him as a community member? And also are we creating a community that God would approve of? I think during this season of Lent we are to really look deeply into ourselves and also into our communities to see if we are truly letting God in. Some of the things that I said that Jesus' sacrifice means to me was that idea of unconditional and ultimate love for his children, an ultimate act of love for the community, freedom to live, and many more. But as we approach Holy Week in the weeks to come, I urge you to reflect on what Jesus' sacrifice means to you. Also ask that question of whether you are including God as a community member in your community? The below quote is one of my favorites, I think this would be a community God would approve of.

We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been—a place, half-remembered, and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free. ~Starhawk~

One

2009-03-02T19:32:00.001-08:00

As I shared with you on Sunday, Bart Campolo shared a story of the drug dealer in his neighborhood who he has gotten to know and love, who now stands up and with arms open wide he embraces him each time he sees him. That image has been going through my mind over and over the last few days. I am trying to figure out how this applies to my life, my church, my work. I was looking through some song lyrics for songs that I feel really portray this idea of open arms and unconditional love. I came across a song that I have shared with some of you, and actually one of you is the one who wrote it! This is a song by my dear friend Kelly McRell. She has a lovely soul and the words she shares below are from her heart. She wrote this after coming back from a service trip to Bolivia for a month. Her message goes beyond borders, with the theme that we are all "one". The chorus...
we come from one world/ million miles apart / let us bridge the gap so we may shine out the light /with your open arms and your heart filled with love/ you have opened my eyes to see we are one.

Reflect upon the song below and spend the day figuring out how the image of "open arms" can be applied to your life during this Season of Lent and beyond (feel free to share these with me!):

One – by Kelly McRell

I came to this place with my ego held high
what i needed to bring was my humility's light
we are all born with desire
passion burning bright
with ability to light others like the stars light up the night

we come from one world
million miles apart
let us bridge the gap so we may shine out the light
with your open arms and your heart filled with love
you have opened my eyes to see we are one

we are one people we have one sky
we must work with each other if we want to get by
we are sisters we are brothers
mothers and fathers
let us stand up today and unite as one

I can see through your eyes and i know where you’ve been
I can see your children and know where you’re going
I can see you hands and see your life’s work

http://www.myspace.com/KellyEllyMcRelly **You can listen to the song at this link!

A bunch of imperfect people

2009-03-01T19:21:00.000-08:00

Read the following poem and spend a few minutes on what God's love means to you.

God's Love

by Sri Chinmoy

God-Love outlives
All our imperfections
And limitations.

God’s Love for us
Is overwhelming-
In the inner world
And in the outer world as well.

A day of God-love
Is the only real day
In my heart.

The God-seeker in me longs
To arrive at the goal.
The God-lover in me feels
That he does not have to arrive
At a particular goal,
For God-love itself encompasses
Both the journey's start
And
The journey's goal.

This is one person's reflection on what God's love means to them. I really like the end where is says that "God-love outlives all our imperfections and limitations". We are such imperfect people and yet God loves us no matter what. At this retreat I went to Bart Campolo was the speaker for the weekend and some of you might know him because his dad is Tony Campolo or you might know that he set up the program Mission Year. He now lives in inner-city Cinncinati with his family and a community of friends. He was a phenomenal speaker and he said something yesterday morning that just hit me hard. He was talking about the people that live in his inner city neighborhood, the prostitutes, the drug dealers, the alcoholics, the kids, etc..and he told us about how he started this monday night dinner where he invited about 40 people over to his house to have a meal together, they were not "Former prostitutes, drug dealers, etc" they WERE and would continue to be. They were a bunch of broken people all under one roof, breaking bread together. He said it took about a year before people felt comfortable enough to stay for more than 15 minutes. But slowly they learned to feel included, accepted and above all LOVED. These broken people in Cinncinati might never change, they might never accept Jesus into their hearts, they might never stop dealing drugs, the cycle of poverty might never end, but does that mean a Christians we do nothing. NO! We are called to love. Jesus says the greatest commandment is to LOVE ONE ANOTHER, not to fix one another, not to change one another, not to make everyone a Christian, God just calls us to love. He wants us to love without judgement and to just be there with open arms like the father in the prodigal son story. Bart said that there was one guy that had been a drug dealer for 20 years and only stopped because of getting shot once and now he can't think well. He used to never aknowledge when Bart would walk by him on the street, but now he stands up, when he sees Bart coming and he open his arms to embrace Bart and tell him he loves him. We should be like that drug dealer, waiting with open arms for everyone, no matter their background and no matter if they will ever change.

I just wish every church would act like Bart and his friends do in their communtiy. I wish every United Methodist Church truly lived by their motto to have "Open Doors, Open Hearts, Open Minds". Maybe we should alter it a little and say, "Open Arms". Churches & Christians remain judgemental, are lacking in the unconditional love, and need to stop trying to fix and change people and just embrace them with love. If everyone felt loved, we would have a whole different world.

I have decided I can probably relate everything to working with my kids, they do consume me life. But this is something I needed to hear. Our kids might never be "fixed" or "changed", they might repeat the same abuse their parents hurt them with, they might never get out of the cycle of poverty. Or some of our kids might. But that doesn't mean we give up hope, but we need to focus on just loving them with every ounce that we have in our bodies, to be there when they come home from school or have a crisis, with open arms to embrace them with love. Jesus showed us the way by spending time with the poor, lonely, broken people and loving them unconditionally. I challenge you to love deeply this season of Lent. Find away you or your church can embrace your community and share God's love.

Give up...

2009-02-26T07:06:00.000-08:00

A Lenten Reflection

Give up complaining——focus on gratitude.
Give up pessimism——become an optimist.
Give up harsh judgments——think kindly thoughts.
Give up worry——trust Divine Providence.
Give up discouragement——be full of hope.
Give up bitterness——turn to forgiveness.
Give up hatred——return good for evil.
Give up negativism——be positive.
Give up anger——be more patient.
Give up pettiness——become mature.
Give up gloom——enjoy the beauty that is all around you.
Give up jealousy——pray for trust.
Give up gossiping——control your tongue.
Give up sin——turn to virtue.
Give up giving up——hang in there!

"The spiritual quest is not for interesting "spiritual experiences" but for the expansion of our capacity for mercy, the opening of our hearts wide enough to embrace the world, and not just the fragments of it, here and there, which at present we manage to feel with and care about." (Martin L. Smith, A Season for the Spirit, p. 27)

I found this poem and I thought it did a great job of showing how we need to give some things up for this season of Lent but how there are so many things we can gain at the same time. The one I wanted to focus on today was "Give up discouragement ---be full of hope". We have been struggling at work lately with the lack of hope some people have for our kids. I think when they started out in the social work field they were very hopeful. But after 10-20 years of seeing kid after kid go through our program and only a few of them "succeeding" in the terms of going to college, not falling back into the same things, etc...those things weigh on you. For me, new to all of this, I have so much hope for them, maybe unrealistic hope, maybe I am just too new to understand, but either way I have hope. It is very discouraging to hear when other people don't have hope for the kids I work with, and honestly overall the world has no hope for them, that is why they are at our agency. Last night at our Ash Wednesday service we gave ashes to the kids that wanted to come up. I got the opportunity to give them out to half of our kids and staff. It was an experience I am still processing, but one that will last a life time with me. As I made the sign of the cross on their foreheads and said to them, "You were made of dust, but because of Christ you will live forever", and saw them in awe of a new ritual of the Church they had never seen, and I took my time to look at each one of their faces. They are my hope. The staff that day after day work with these kids even when they punch them, spit on them, kick them , cuss them out, they still love these kids unconditionally. And our kids who have been through hell but still want to come to Chapel, receive Ashes and praise the God they love so much. Giving ashes was a humbling experience, one that set the tone for Lent. Hope is all around us, and as the quote from A Season of the Spirit, says, these spiritual experiences we will have during Lent, is much more than just an experience but an "expansion of our capacity for mercy, the opening of our hearts wide enough to embrace the world". Open your heart wide enough to embrace the world this season, and be full of hope to share with others.

Lent is hard

2009-02-24T11:01:00.000-08:00

Everytime I think of Lent, I can't help but remember when we lived in Buffalo, NY that everyone thought my dad was talking about Lint in your belly button not the season of Lent. This is one of those words that in the south people say them the exact same way, but some how in the north they can pronounce these two words to sound differently. Personally, I just think they are supposed to sound the same, like Ginny and Jenny. But I have been told I am wrong. But Lent is more than just an issue with accents.

As I have been preparing how to approach these lenten devotionals I have promised so many, I feel like I am trying to work on an impossible project. The Advent devotionals came so much easier to me, it's so easy to write about your favorite christmas songs and the joys that surround advent. Advent is a time of waiting and I guess my patience has grown from working with these kids, so maybe that is why it was easier to write those devotionals. Lent is hard, its more vague, people go about observing Lent in various ways, it makes you focus inward on ourselves, its makes us vulnerable. Each year I try to give something up for Lent, and I try to be more reflective and observant. I feel like each year I fall short, I get too busy and loose sight of Lent. Last year I decided I was not even going to bother giving something up because I knew I wouldn't last. This year I have to make a change and really observe Lent.

When it comes to our lives we get so caught up in the hustle of life, of the everyday to-do list, our life plans and the pressures of a consumer society. We run from silence because we're afraid of being alone with God. So, like Jesus, we need to take some serious time to pray and figure out where God is in our lives, and where God is calling us to serve. We need to re-focus our lives to be more in line with God.

So somehow through the next 40+ days of devotions I am going to stretch myself to be vulnerable to God and take some serious time to be in silence, pray, figure out what God wants for me and also to re-focus my life.

Below are some links to blogs/websites with ideas on things you can give up for lent, add for lent, or just ways to observe. So as we prepare for Ash Wednesday tomorrow, let us stop and be still and listen to God and see how he wants us each to observe this season of Lent.

http://www.umc.org/site/c.lwL4KnN1LtH/b.2514885/k.63E6/Lent_and_Easter_Resources.htm

http://www.greendaily.com/2009/02/24/how-about-going-green-for-lent/

Tomorrow I will post some more practical Lenten ideas.

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-21T09:43:00.000-08:00

A Prayer for Ash Wednesday

(extinguish candles)

The darkness asks us questions.
You are out there and we do not see.
You invite us into the night,
the stillness, the loneliness, the desert place.

We cannot see our shadow;
the cold damp of unknowing rises up from beneath
our feet.
We tread cautiously, tentatively.

We are afraid,
afraid of ghosts
haunting us with specters of guilt
and shame.

We would like to run back,
reach the river bank,
swim the Jordan,
sit in the sun by the sea,
mending our nets.
But you have brought us here
- with no bread.

When we look we can see only ourselves,
our darkness.
When we read,
it is invisible words which cannot be grasped,
thoughts we cannot clutch,
hope we cannot capture.

Yet the wild honey remains a taste in our mouth,
a memory for a new day.

Why have you brought us here?
What miracle will you perform for us?

The darkness sighs around us,
dense with your unseen presence,
close to our breathing,
close to our breathing.

O darkness, enlighten us,
embrace us with your invisible love.
Let us see your glory in the ashes.
Take us by the hand that we may trust the
darkness.
Minister to us by your Spirit that we may not be
afraid.
Jesus, keep the beasts away.

Amen

(light candles)
~William Loader~

Leaning on God

2009-02-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a typical "Babbling Brooke" devo today, so sorry if it doesn't make sense. I feel like this weekend has caused me to have a lot of questions, some doubts, frustrations, and has just caused me to just need some where to lean, to rest awhile and figure out all these thought that are racing through my mind. I think after spending about 6 hours in a car by myself, going to a retreat with a good speaker, and just spending a lot of time trying to reflect on life, it has caused me to search for answers. Some answers I will never figure out, some that I am ok with never knowing, and some I struggle with letting go of. I love this poem, I just picture myself leaning on all these different things before I finally lean on God. Joyce Rupp does an amazing job of displaying my thoughts and feelings and I am sure yours as well into this poem below. Let it be your reflection today.

Some people lean against fence posts
when their bodies ache from toil.
Some people lean on oak trees,
seeking cool shade on hot, humid days.

Some people lean on crutches
when their limbs won't work for them;
and some people lean on each other
when their hearts can't stand alone.

How long it takes to lean upon you,
God of shelter and strength;
how long it takes to recognize the truth
of where my inner power has its source.

All my independence, with its arrogance,
stands up and stretches within me,
trying to convince my trembling soul
that I can conquer troubles on my own.

But the day of truth always comes
when I finally yield to you, God,
knowing you are a steady stronghold,
a refuge when times are tough.

Thank you for offering me strength,
for being the oak tree of comfort;
thank you for being the sturdy support
when the limbs of my life are weak.

Praise to you, Eternal Lean-to,
for always being there for me.
Continue to transform me
with the power of your love.

~Joyce Rupp~

"Which of you walks in darkness and sees no light? ....lean on God." Isaiah 50:4-10

Seeking and Finding

2009-02-19T11:30:00.000-08:00

I search for God
elusive, hidden God,
I long to dwell
in the heart of Mystery.

I search for my true self
more of who I already am,
knowing there's so much
yet to be discovered.

I search for love,
the unconditional love
that enfolds me
and asks to be shared.

I search for vision
in the shadows of my soul,
impatiently awaiting
the moment of lighting.

I search for a quiet heart
amid life's harried schedule;
my soul cries out,
yearning for solitude.

I search for compassion
in a world gone deaf
to the cries of the hurting,
and the please of the powerless.

I search for a Home,
always for Home
unaware, of course,
that I am already there.

~Joyce Rupp~

"When you search for me, you will find me; when you search wholeheartedly for me, I shall let you find me."
-Jeremiah 29:13-

1. Reflect on the inner moments of your life. has God ever come seeking you? If so, how did this happen? what did you do in response? Did this seeking change you in any way?

2. Look within yourself. What are the deepest longings of your heart? Who and what do you most seek? make a list of these or draw a heart and fill it with words or images.

Preperation for a Lenten Journey

2009-02-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

So the season of Lent is just around the corner. I can't believe it is already here, it seems like we just finished Advent. These feelings could be because I have just recently finished a United Methodist Women's Program for Advent for their 2010 book, so I have had lots of Advent ideas flowing through my head. I am not excited to switch gears though and move into Lent. It seems that every year I try hard to start some way of observing Lent, and I never see it through. Well this year, all my trusty Blog followers out there are going to hold me accountable and maybe I can help you out as well. Each day I will reflect upon a question, scripture, quote, song, etc...here on the blog and I urge you to comment on the reflection, reflect on the same thing as I do, or respond in whatever way you feel appropriate. This will not be like my Advent Devotional Book because we have already prepared ways for our kids here at CCH to observe Lent. But don't worry I will have an Advent Devo next year because of multiple requests. Below is an excerpt from a book by female UMC pastors (I figure I should start learning from this wise words if I am going to become one someday soon) that I am reading and this is from Margaret W. Bickford from the New England Annual Conference.

As you embark on your Lenten journey, consider the following questions:
1. Am I impatient with God? other people? myself? why?
2. Am I too quick to judge and dismiss God or other people when they don't meet my expectations?
3. Am I suspicious of GOd or other people because of my own doubt or fear?
4. Do I really want to know the truth about myself, to confess my shortcomings, and to repent (turn about and go in an entirely new and better direction), so that I may be renewed?
5. Am I really open to God's presence in my life, or do I still distrust the Divine Presence?
6. Am I really open to GOd's unconditional love, or do I still feel unworhty and unable to give as I have received?
7. Am I really ready to become Jesus' disciple, to put everything else in second place or into God's hands?

I also recommend that you keep a journal to note issues and questions you consider, challenges, who and what you have prayed fro, and how you have changed during these forty-plus days. The record may suprise you. In any cause, your journey will take on a deeper dimension as you focus on your soul's health and your relationship with the Lord. When the darkness of Maundy Thursday and Good Friday are finally dispersed by the light of Easter morning, you will feel that light deep in your soul and will truly be able to rejoice.

I am going to try to answer these questions myself before and during the Lenten Journey. I urge you to as well. Please join me in this journey of Lent.

New Kid on the Block

2009-02-13T07:31:00.000-08:00

We have a new kid at CCH and he is just adorable! It's hard when you know the kids background before you meet them. For this kid I thought he would seem really "hard" or "bad" on the outside, and that it might appear that it is almost "hopeless" for this kid due to their past. But then I walked into the kids room as he was about to go to sleep and he is all cuddled up in his quilt and has his teddy bear in his arms. And I saw a whole new kid, a scared kid, a lonely kid, a kid that desperately needs to feel loved, I saw God's child, and everything I knew before I walked in that room vanishes and he is just a kid that needs love. He needs love that I can attempt to give, and love from God that I can share with him. And as I finish the book I read to him, I pull his covers up and say goodnight. He says, "Miss Brooke...can you say a prayer for me?" And a little caught off guard but so glad he asked, I say yes. I asked if there was something specific he wanted me to pray for and he said, "You will know what words to say". I almost teared up as I prayed for this kid, that I just met the day before, the kid I had pre-judged, the kid that needed to just be embraced by love, and I prayed for his new journey here at CCH. Sure enough God did give me the words.

Society has rejected him because they only new him from papers, reports and incidents.

I saw a glimpse into his heart. There is no way I can reject him now. This New Kid on the Block, makes me smile.

Quote of the Day

2009-02-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

Kids say the best things, this made me laugh today...and he was VERY serious about both comments

We were listening to some kids sing & I was also telling him about Praise Dancing and he said
"We have such good talent here at Cunningham we should go join American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance!" -11 year old kid at my job

Then I was talking to the same kid about reading the bible and he told me last night he was trying to find the 10 Commandments and he said,

"Man Brooke I was looking through that whole dang bible to find those 10 Law things and I kept trying to think of that dude's name that wrote them on those stones and I thought forever and finally I remembered his name was Noah and I got so excited I looked in the back of the bible and found Noah's name and turned to that page. Then I read some more and realized that it was not Noah it was Moses. I am forever getting those 2 mixed up in my mind. But I found that and then I read it in my New Living Transformation (he meant Translation) and I read it in my Old Living Transformation and then I read it in the Message thing you gave me. But you know what Brooke?...I think I need to also read it in the NIV to get the full effect you know.."

I said, "Do you really want to read it in the NIV, because I can go make a copy of the 10 commandments out of the NIV for you right now"

He said, "Ummm I really want the bible for myself so I can read it tonight..."

I said, "So are you trying to get me to give you your 6th bible?"

He said, "Well I thought I could with that whole Moses thing, but I guess you caught me"

I said, "Well you did a good job, but when you read the whole bible from Genesis to Revelation on all of your translations I will give you another bible for sure!"

He said, "Well I guess I should get on that starting tonight, I might not sleep for a year!"

Gotta love what kids will say to get things:)

The Fishermen Story is just the Beginning...

2009-01-27T07:27:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my Associate Pastor, A.J., from my church back in Boone, NC and he was trying to plan his sermon for this past Sunday. I asked him what scripture he was using and he told me it was the scripture where Jesus calls the disciples and tells them they will now be fishers of men and women. A.J. and I think similarly about various things and this scripture seemed to be one such time. I read the scripture a few times and each time it just made me think about when I have answered Jesus when he has called me. It made me think about becoming a missionary. I denied that call towards mission work or ministry in general for a long time, but when it was finally time to make that decision it was rather easy. When I was asked to be a US-2, it never really crossed my mind to say no. I knew that the call was enough at that time and I was excited to "drop my nets" and head on the road with Jesus. He led me to this great place called Cunningham. I am forever thankful for Jesus for calling me here.

But I think there is so much more to the story and we get caught up on this one scripture and emphasize it so often. Once we have dropped our nets, started down that road with Jesus, things start to get hard. We never really knew what to full expect. People might try to tell you how things will be, but you never know how YOU will react. I think the disciples went through a "honeymoon" period with Jesus, where they were just so excited to be following this amazing man, and learning from him each day. But then after a few months things started to get a little harder. Jesus started to break even more of societies rules and teach about breaking all barriers and walls down. The disciples were only human and they had a hard time with this, they questioned Jesus and at times were afraid to be apart of it all. But somehow they pushed through and they knew Jesus was more than they could even comprehend. They kept following him, but it was harder each day. They witnessed miracles, but they still had moments of doubt.

I feel like I can completely relate to the disciples. Especially right now in my ministry at Cunningham. My honeymoon period here was wonderful, I thanked Jesus daily for blessing me with the words to speak to the kids, for the activities to plan, and for their wonderful participation and being good for me. I was just floating along, there were hard days, but things were good. Following that call had proved to not be so hard.

Then I left for a 2 week vacation to NC and upon my return, things were a little different. I have different groups of kids to work with each day, and they are testing my limits daily. Kids that were so sweet and nice to me before Christmas are now, have lots of moments of aggression towards their peers and towards me, they don't listen to me, and I am having a hard time finding activities that they will do. Things have been hard. It has been emotionally draining at times. In the midst of it all I have been struggling with other things on a personal level that I will share one day. Some involve whether I am being called to ministry past this 2 years. Even on the days I come home feeling defeated and not equipped for this job, I still know I will follow Jesus wherever he leads me. But I feel like a disciple, tired from walking that road with Jesus. I feel weary and I just need him to lift me up and let me continue on this road.

So I thank Jesus for calling me, I praise him for his unconditional love for me, I thank him for giving me the strength to go on each day and share his love with these kids. I thank Jesus for the opportunity to cast my net on these kids and scoop them up into the love of Jesus, because I know that other people threw them back after they caught them in their nets. These kids have been through so much, more than I will ever be able to grasp. These are the kids Jesus wants me to be with, and I will love them unconditionally no matter how hard it might be.

Jesus asked me to be a fishermen for kids:)

Jesus always taught his disciples & he taught me this week too. I taught a lesson on Jesus preaching in his hometown and how they bullied him and tried to kill him. So our lesson focused on bullying. I was so excited for the lesson and it went ok for the most part in my first group but at the end of the group 2 of my kids started bullying each other intensely and then others joined in. I asked them to remember what we had just talked about but they didn't want to hear it right then. I left the group feeling like I didn't get through to them.

I came back later in the day to drop some stuff off and I was filled with joy and hope. The staff, Kim, she told me that after I left she asked the boys if they felt like they needed to talk more about the lesson today. They all agreed that they did. They said what they needed to say to each other & they talked through their problems. They cried, staff & kids, over how they had all treated each other. They apologized. Their shared their love for each other. They felt like a family. When I saw the boys that afternoon, they were all smiles, getting along and excited to go sledding outside together.

You never know what God will teach you, you never know what seeds you will sow, and you never know what will touch these kids. I praise God for this!

A Sea of Orange

2009-01-25T06:39:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely time yesterday at the Illinois Basketball game! They played Wisconsin and won! Even though I will always be a UNC fan, no matter how far away I move, I got a ticket to go to the game, so I had to cheer for the home team. After the game we missed the bus so we had to walk for 45 minutes through campus, and we froze, but we at least got our exercise. Here are some pictures of us at the game, the crowd and the half-time show of Tumblers from Chicago.

A lot like me

2009-01-23T19:52:00.000-08:00

I love this song! It's off the new Jill Phillips CD called Good Things. I just think it has a wonderful message. It got me thinking about this lesson I am teaching this week on Jesus beginning his ministry & goes back to his hometown. There was an activity in the book that I thought was great. It says to take strips of paper and make a paper chain, but on 2 of the sheets write times when others judged you or hurt you. Then on 2 other sheets write times when you judged or hurt others. Then you put them together in a paper chain. But you then take 2 cut outs of hearts and you write on each side, ways that you can live for God. Then you flatten the paper chain and shred the chain and put the remains inside the 2 hearts and tape it up. It is supposed to remind you that our past will always be with us and it is apart of us, but it is our choice on how we will go forward in our lives. Anyways, this song just reminds me how similar we all are, yes we have those small differences, but we have all experienced some sort of pain and have a story to tell. We just need someone to listen and to offer that safe space to share it. Listen to someone's story this week.

Sometimes I think you hesitate to say the way you really feel
Like there’s no way that I could understand where you are coming from
But if we could tear down these walls of bricks and mortar built with fear
I think we’d be surprised to find how small our differences become

We’re all in the same boat
Sailing on the same old stormy sea
If you look real close
You’ll find you’re a lot like me

We carry different burdens and we’re wearing different battle scars
If we both had our own way we would bury them forever
They give us different stories, how we came to be the way we are
Redemption is the common thread that binds them all together

We’re all in the same boat
Sailing on the same old stormy sea
If you look real close
You’ll find you’re a lot like me

Something about being vulnerable
Makes us think we’re setting ourselves up for pain
But you won’t find judgment in these listening ears
This is a safe place

So sit down for a minute and tell me what’s been going on

We’re all in the same boat
Sailing on the same old stormy sea
If you look real close
You’ll find you’re a lot like me

A lovely prayer

2009-01-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share this prayer that I enjoyed from the opening Inaugural Event. It actually was not aired on HBO as planned and there is a lot of discussion surrounding that on whether it was intentional or non-intentional. Either way I feel this is a prayer that does a good job of using inclusive language and being mindful of others backgrounds. Last night in Chapel we prayed for our new president and I am now going to reflect on this prayer below. Please join me in that.

By The Rt. Rev. V. Gene Robinson, Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire

Opening Inaugural Event
Lincoln Memorial, Washington, DC
January 18, 2009

Welcome to Washington! The fun is about to begin, but first, please join me in pausing for a moment, to ask God’s blessing upon our nation and our next president.

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic “answers” we’ve preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be “fixed” anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion’s God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States.

Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln’s reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy’s ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for ALL the people.

Give him a quiet heart, for our Ship of State needs a steady, calm captain in these times.

Give him stirring words, for we will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.

Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States.

Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.

Give him the strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters’ childhoods.

And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking FAR too much of this one. We know the risk he and his wife are taking for all of us, and we implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand – that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity and peace.

AMEN.

Cunningham & This historic day

2009-01-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

This was not written by me, but instead by a co-worker of mine, and I wanted to share it with you all. I think he says it well...

As I watched the Inaugural Celebration this weekend, I was moved by the sense of Hopefulness that I and so many others have been feeling since the election in November. It also reminded me of the parallels between the Hope that our new President has given us, and the Hope that we give to our young people on a daily basis. Consequently, it inspired me to write this unsolicited e-mail.

As an African American, and resident of this neighborhood called Earth; I now know what it is like, not to just have 80 or 90% pride in my country, but to finally know what it feels like to have 100% pride in a hopefully homogeneous nation, that has proven, that it is now ready to judge people solely on the content of their character. We are finally coming to the point where we can now “… recognize ourselves in one another…” And, subsequently, recognize and empathize with (the not so different) wants and needs of our clients. [How would we act, if we had to walk a mile in their shoes].

As a teacher and member of the CCH staff, I am reminded that a big part of my job is to have Hope for the future of our clients; but more importantly, to be a distributor of that Hope to all the little people (we work with), that have none. As a staff person, it is paramount for us to have “… common hopes”, along with “… common effort”.

Dealing out Hope for a better future, is one of the most important things we can do in this job (and in our personal lives). Sometimes this means working with clients who pose “… the greatest differences and the longest odds”, for any chance of success; and when you throw Hope out there, there’s never any guarantee that it’ll stick. But the success we have as a staff is never measured when change comes easy, but more often, it is truly measured, “… by the right we do, when the moment is hard.”

And if we don't do it… then who will?

Always keep a little Hope in your pocket, to share.

Glenn

This Historic Day

2009-01-20T07:37:00.000-08:00

I have been up watching the Inauguration coverage already for a couple of hours. I am just so excited that this is actually happening! I am so proud of the U.S. right now. There are still many issues I have with problems in America but for this moment I am going to set them aside and bask in this historic moment. I am wearing my OBAMA shirt and celebrating from my apartment here in Urbana, IL. It's been such a year of change for me, for my other US-2 friends, and for our Country. Yesterday I went to a Unity breakfast to celebrate the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. and as I sat in a room with about 90% African American's and we sang Lift Every Voice, My Country Tis of Thee, and We Shall Overcome...I just smiled and tears came to my eyes that parts of Martin Luther Kings Dream had come true over the years and today even more so. His dream is alive and hopefully now will be reborn. I hope our country will continue this enthusiasm for Change, Hope and Service. Obama cannot fix it all, I know he will not. But I have hope our country can change, even if it is just through 1 person at a time.

Murder Mystery Fun:)

2009-01-19T10:14:00.000-08:00

I cannot tell you how fun it was to have a 1960's Murder Mystery Dinner Party with all my friends here in Champaign-Urbana!!! There will be more pictures soon!

Women Weavers

2009-01-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

I was reading a book celebrating Women in ministry and a female pastor from the NY Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church shared this:

"Women's hands bring wholeness and richness to ministry. they hold babies, spoons and needles; stroke fevered foreheads; clean what no one else wants to touch. They are hands that pray - in solitude and with the very old, the very young, and everyone in between. These hands serve the sacraments as a relational act, attending to the ties among people as well as to what ties the people to God...Women's hands have woven new patterns intot he cloth of the pastor's vocation. In this way we are truly people "of the cloth". Without the colors and the patterns that women bring, the cloth of ministry is not whole. Women's hands weave worship, always creating new sacraments and while celebrating the traditional ones."

I just thought it was a beautiful descriptions of women in ministry. I am really praying about the posibility of ministry in my future and this book has shared some wisdom with me. Plue I have the most amazing boss here at CCH, that has been a female pastor for 25+ years, and now is a Chaplain. So keep me in your prayers during this time of discernment of my call to ministry.

5 lbs 6 ozs

2009-01-10T21:34:00.000-08:00

Little baby Brooke was born into this world 23 years ago to the happy couple, Frank and Jill Newsome. I was their first kid, and my dad really wanted a little girl:) I am sure through the years I haven't always been such a little angel like I was on that first day when I entered into the world, but I bet I sure was cute that day. A lot has happened in 23 years, some I am proud of, some I would have done differently, some good times, some bad times, but over all it's been wonderful. I am thankful to ring in another year in my life:)

I love my NC friends:)

2009-01-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends here in NC. They have supported me over the last 4 months through e-mails, prayers, letters, calls and much more. I love them and I am so glad I got to spend New Years with most of them and then hang out with more of them throughout this past week! I am so blessed:)

A little look into Christmas with the Newsome's...

2008-12-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures of my family from Christmas Eve, day and the days that have followed. I am a little late on posting all these, I kept starting posts and not finishing them. Sorry! There will be a lot in the next few days! We have had a blast being together:)

I am home for the holidays:)

2008-12-23T10:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was listening to that song, "I'll be home for Christmas" and it says, "if only in my dreams.." and at this point I was sitting in the Chicago Midway Airport...and my flight had already been delayed & I thought to myself, "I will NOT be happy if this is only in my dreams..." Good thing I made it hope safely by 8pm EST and was greated by my lovely family. Then we went to my favorite pizza place, Mellow Mushroom:)

Today I got to sleep in and then enjoy a morning with my sister, lunch at the oh so yummy Char-grill and now I am relaxing until I leave to go see some of my girlfriends! I will post more about that later.

I miss my CCH kids, and I keep sharing stories about them, but I am glad to be with my family and friends that I am so blessed to have:)

Rain stick Reflections

2008-12-20T07:14:00.000-08:00

The other day we had our office Christmas get together. Our VP asked us to sit in a circle and close our eyes. She had this rain stick that she had just got as a present and so she started to let the rain stick go back and forth. Then she started to ask us to reflect on certain questions (and I am paraphrasing what she asked). She asked...

What happened in 2008 that you are glad is over?

What brought you joy in 2008?

What are you going to leave behind from 2008?

What are you looking forward to in 2009?

What do you want 2009 to be filled with?

This really was a wonderful thing for me to do, I felt like I had not really reflected on this past year. Let me tell you, A LOT happened in 2008...for starters I student taught, graduated from college, became a missionary, spent 3 weeks in NYC and met some of my best friends and partners in ministry, I moved to Urbana, Illinois, and I started my 1st real job:) Talk about CHANGE. This has been a year of intense Change...I think I should have a theme song for my life...instead of Seasons of Love, it should be Season of Change (of course there is love in the midst of all the change as well). This all got me thinking a lot.

I am going to compare my life over the past year to the season of Advent...and maybe I am just over consumed with talk of Advent after writing an advent devotional and teaching the kids about it, but I think its relevant and I love metaphors. So I feel like 2008 was a time of waiting for me. It took a lot out of me, I had to wait actively, not passively. I had to struggle to not let the busyness consume me. I had to keep my focus on the coming of Christ into my life. Advent is meant to be a time of preparation for the coming of Christ. I feel like for the 1st half of 2008 I spent time preparing myself for what God had in store for me. Most of the time I did not know what I was preparing for, but I knew there was something great out there for me to do.

This is where I can kind of relate to Mary, yes I can relate to the Mother of Jesus. An angel comes to a teenage girl, in fact probably a middle schooler, (like my dad says, Jesus' Mama was a middle schooler). The Angel tells her she is going to give birth to the Messiah. Mary, a middle schooler, the most unlikely person, is being called to be the mother of Jesus our Messiah our Savior. I felt like Mary this year because I felt God call me to something greater than myself, I felt completely unqualified and unequipped to be a missionary, yet he still called me. He had something in store for me that I could not even imagine back in the early days of 2008. God sent me on a journey similar to Joseph and Mary's journey to Bethlehem. The journey was hard at times, I had to stop and rest a lot, but I knew I must continue on the journey. The journey led to being a missionary at Cunningham Children's home, in of all places, Urbana, Illinois. God has a sense of humor...a manger for Jesus, and a home for kids with severe behavior and emotional issues for me. (if you don't find the humor in this...read below)

While I was student teaching, my one really hard experience was one day when one of our kids tried to punch another kid over a game of jeopardy and then proceed to threaten me, corner me against the wall, and then try to punch my teacher...it was the day I left for my interview in NYC for the US-2 Missionary position...ironic yes...God's plan, no doubt!

But my journey did lead to Urbana to CCH, and I am not going to equate it with the birth of Jesus, because you just can't compare to that. But I will say that my bright star landed over CCH. This was the best place for me to be, God has equipped me daily to get through it all, even the days that get so hard, he shows me joy through a kids action and I make it through.

My heart has broken for these kids. As I went around with Santa the other night from unit to unit, after working a ridiculous amount of hours of the last few weeks, the kids sat on Santa's lap and asked for Love, their parents back, to smile again...etc.. they admitted that had been bad but were trying to turn it around. This Santa was amazing, the kids talked to him like in some ways he was God. It was like seeing the kids sitting on God's lap telling them their struggles and just wanting to be loved. I teared up, and I thought back to earlier that day with the rain stick reflections & thought...2008 was definitely about change, but those changes led me here, and I can't wait to start 2009 working with these kids for another year.

In the midst of writing this reflection I was listening to this song by Melissa Ethridge and I think it fits well, it's called Light a Light...but I think it could be called "Season of Change" too. I love how it talks about heaven is on the inside and not just above...and how we should choose love. I have changed this year, and I have choose to love these kids with all I have in me. And yesterday we lit a candle for each kids at Cunningham, and a 3 wick candle for all the kids in the past, all the one in the present, and all the kids that will come to CCH in the future. So enjoy these lyrics.

'Tis the season of change
Seasons are the contrast
The key to life and how its done
It's time to let go of our past
And let go of whats to come

write down your excuses
and turn them into dust
plant the seeds of change
water it with trust

Light a light tonight
we light a light
Light a light tonight
we light a light

Now that this time is ending
and everyone is here

We light a light a light this year
'Tis the season of change

What do we have, what do we have not
what do we need that isn't here
this mindless numb consuming
is driven by a sudden fear

It's time we stop believing
that there will not be enough
I know they said it on the TV
so turn it off, break the chains
step outside and feel the love

we light a light tonight
we light a light
Now that this time is ending
everyone is here
we light a light a light
this year
'Tis the season of Change
of Change

We must change
Heaven is inside
it's all around not just above
choose only love
Heaven is inside
it's all around not just above
choose only love
choose only love
choose only love

Camille the Camel

2008-12-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

I am really too tired and sick to write much with this post, but I wanted to post a few pictures from my Walk Through Bethlehem. These are pictures of our "camel" we got that we named Camille. The girls in the picture with me are Ann, Kristen and Caci who are in my Grad Bible Study. Everything went great and I am so glad the kids loved it. Now for me to get better...

Pre- Walk Through Bethlehem

2008-12-07T06:27:00.000-08:00

Today is a big day in the life of Cunningham...we will be putting on our 2nd Annual Walk Through Bethlehem. Now some of you might have participated in this sort of thing before, but others night not have. So basically it is a time to take a look at the town of Bethlehem and see where Jesus was born. We have a "somewhat" live nativity (no real animals sadly), you eat at the "Bethlehem Inn" , everyone dresses as people from that time period, we have a camel (its a costume), there are crafts, you have shekels to use as money...it's supposed to be really fun for kids. So anyways we are having around 30 volunteers show up at 4 to help pull this off...we have spent countless hours preparing crafts, snacks, food, getting volunteers, and setting up. Honestly since about my 3rd week here we have been preparing in some way for this. So I just pray it goes well and the kids love it:) Included are pictures of all the crafts...tonight or tomorrow I will post some pictures from the event (sadly not of the kids though).

Thanksgiving pics

2008-12-03T08:13:00.000-08:00

Here is a look into my Thanksgiving here in Illinois. It was my first Thanksgiving EVER without my lovely family. It was hard at first and I shed a few tears, but I made it through. Luckily I have an amazing "Illinois Family"...my boss, Gay and her husband, Dan, and their son Caleb have become my adopted family. I love them so much and they have been a great joy in my life the last 3 months. I went to thanksgiving with them at Dan's sister's house in Mason City, Illinois. There is really just cornfields and farm country throughout Illinois and this place exemplified that well. After our meal we watched Elf and then took a walk through the country, saw some silos, and some horses! Overall it was the best Thanksgiving could be with out being with you own family:)

Snow and a Season of Waiting

2008-11-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up at 6 to finish this Advent Devotional Book for the kids I work with. I was really exhausted and stressed to get it finished. Yet when I walked outside this morning it was a Winter Wonderland outside:) As you can see from the pictures we had about 3 inches and we are supposed to get another 1-3 tonight. I put on my MP3 player and listened to Christmas music as I trekked across the snow to work so I could print and make copies of the devotional books. On my venture across the snow I fell twice, I really can't stand on anything and then add snow!

The kids really loved the devotionals, especially because they got a CD along with it. In my group today I taught about Advent and how it is a season of waiting, but we must actively wait for the coming of Christ. Below is the devotional for today that I wrote, some of you might have already read this. But if you haven't here you go...

November 30th

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. Advent means coming or arrival. For Christians Advent is a time when we patiently prepare for the coming of Jesus. During Advent we remember how people watched and waited for God to come to earth as Jesus. Also we watch and wait for God to come and work in our world and in our lives.

The Advent wreath is a symbol some Christians use during this season to help prepare for Jesus to come. Each Sunday a different candle is lit to represent the coming of Christ.

Today we light the first Advent candle, prepare your heart by reading this:

We light the first candle of the Advent wreath to remind ourselves to stay awake and watch for signs of God at work in our world. This is a season of actively waiting, so God please help me to find ways I can prepare myself for this season of Advent.

I could use a little help

2008-11-25T19:15:00.000-08:00

If you have already read my e-mail, then you can ignore my blog post. If not PLEASE READ!!!

I am in desperate need of help from ANY of you that can spare a few minutes of your time to do something for me. I am attempting to write my own little Advent devotional book for our kids here at Cunningham Children's Home. It's amazing how hard it is to find curriculum and devotionals that work for our kids. But I had this idea today as I was planning my lesson for sunday on Advent. The ONE thing they ALL love is MUSIC!!! So I decided that I am going to make them a mixed CD of all kinds of Christmas songs, a mixture of hymns and other songs about Christmas. I want to emphasize that Advent is a season of waiting, and not passive waiting but ACTIVE waiting. So I wanted to make a devotional that goes along with the CD...and that is where I need your help. I would love to have little notes from people throughout talking about how you celebrate Advent and how you prepare your hearts for the coming of Jesus each year. You can do this through writing about your favorite christmas song, a tradition you have during Advent, what you need to work on this year during advent, or how music adds to your advent season. This does not need to be long...just a paragraph or 2. Here are some of the hymns and songs I know I am using so far:

O Holy Night
O Come O Come Emmanuel
Emmanuel by Alathea
Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant
Come Thou Long Expected Jesus
O Come All Ye Faithful
The First Noel
O Little Town of Bethlehem
Glorious by Melissa Etheridge
Silent Night
Light of the Stable by Emmylou Harris

You can use any other songs too! If you could get this to me BEFORE Sunday Nov. 30th that would be AMAZING. If you can't get it by then I will still take it up to the 5th of Dec. But I REALLY could use as many as I can before sunday. I know this is like the worst time ever to be asking for something but if ANY of you get a few minutes this would be SOOO helpful to me and I know my kids will appreciate it sooo much! Heck I'll even send you a copy! I love you all!

God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

A reflective walk...

2008-11-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

Last night at my grad bible study we spent time in prayer and walked a labyrinth. I must admit that all day yesterday I was kind of dreading it. It was freezing outside and I had to ride the bus down to the church + I was completely exhausted because I didn't really sleep the night before. Yet once I got there I realized I really needed that time last night to reflect. So here is sort of a re-cap of what when through my head as I walked the Labyrinth:

I set off putting one foot in front of the other saying, "peace with each new step", this is something Suzanne had taught us at US-2 training and I thought it would be a good way to get focused. After a little bit I started saying, "listen, listen, listen to my heartsong, listen listen listen to my heartsong, I will never forget you I will never forake you..." also a chant we learned at training. I started to realize that the last time I had walked a labyrinth with a group was when I was at US-2 Training in NYC. We were in Queens on the hottest day of the summer in the lovely humidity of NYC (a little bit different weather situation than last night). It was before my journey here in Urbana even began. From there my mind just started flowing with considering my journey over the last few months since arriving in Urbana.

I thought back to that day in Queens, and as the sweat was dripping down my face, I looked up and saw all my fellow US-2's, my wonderful friends, my beloved community. They were walking right beside me on that same journey, even though our journeys were slightly different. As I drifted back into the present, I started to pray for each one of my US-2's...I prayed for Sarah out in Utah as she saves the world by helping fight for injustices with the homeless and poor, I prayed for Fawn in Alaska as she braves the fridgid temps and shares her love with the natives there, I prayed for Bonnie in Alabama as she works in nature to give food to people whom so desperately need it, I prayed for Elyse down in Atlanta as she works with the homeless and struggles through making sense of it all, I prayed for Carolyn up in Wisconsin as she works with women in transition and children and I can relate so much to how hard that can be, I prayed for Meg in Chicago as she works to help make people aware of workers rights and the injustices that go along with working, I prayed for Krista in Detroit as she works with the homeless and congregations to bring them together and have churches support her ministry, I prayed for Greg in Baltimore as he works throughout the community to spread love and build community. I prayed that each US-2 will feel the connection of our community, as we did on that hot day in Queens. That even though we are so far apart now, that we can somehow feel each others presence.

I opened my eyes and even for just a brief second I kinda saw each one of my US-2 family around that labyrinth and felt their presence. As their images faded away I saw new images, they were of my new friends here in Urbana. I prayed for Erin, Anthony, Josh, Kristen and Imy, and then I prayed for the ones that were not there, for Laura, Caci, Alan, Michael, Eric, and Anne. I thanked God for blessing me with all of these wonderful people in my life.

As I entered into the center of the labyrinth I sat down and I prayed over and over again, Thank you Lord for your Blessings. As I left the center and headed towards the exit path of the labyrinth I thought about how wonderful it is to be in this new place and how exciting the future can be, instead of being fearful. I asked God to bless me on the journey that is to come, thanked him for the journey that has already taken place, and asked him to keep everyone safe on their future journey.

It was a much needed time of reflection.

New Books & thoughts...

2008-11-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

Here are 2 new books I am reading, thanks to my dad for giving them to me! One is, Jesus wants to Save the Christians: A Manifesto for The Church in Exile by Rob Bell and the second one is, Becoming the Answer to our Prayers - Prayer for Ordinary Radicals by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove. I am reading both of them at the same time because I couldn't decide when one I wanted to read first. The prayer one helped me decide on a lesson for the kids today on prayer, and we focused on the scripture where Jesus teaches the disciples how to pray. I really liked this excerpt from the book:

"But the most important thing about the prayer Jesus teaches may be that it invite us into new option. We don't have to give into greed or work as if everything depends on us. When the option are "get rich" or "save the world" we can respond with I want to become part of the people who ask for God' kingdom to come in their life together." We can find out identity not in our work or our causes, but in "Our Father in heaven."

The Rob Bell book I am just now getting into but I really like it so far. I love the titles he has for his chapters it cracks me up. Here is what the back cover of this book says,

"It's a book about faith and fear, wealth and war, poverty, power, safety, terror, Bibles, bombs, and homeland insecurity; it's about empty empires and the truth that everybody's priest, it's about oppression, occupation, and what happens when Christians support, animate, and participate in the very things Jesus came to set people free from. It's about what it means to be apart of the church of Jesus in a world where ome people fly planes into building while others pick up groceries in Hummers."

Gracious what a book...So I will try to write some posts on my feelings on these books as I read them.

Lego Plane + Silly String + Water Guns = Ending the War in Iraq Cunningham Kids Style

2008-11-09T17:45:00.000-08:00

I wanted to share a story with you. On the night before the historic election I was reading to the kids the other night and after reading a book about the Election, called "Duck for President", one of our kids informed me of something...So here is how 2 kids at Cunningham are going to End the War in Iraq!

After reading the book, L, said,
"Brooke, I just don't think John McCain or Barack Obama have a good plan to end the war in Iraq",

I replied with, "Well I don't really think they do either, but no one seems to be giving any better ideas, sadly"

L said, "Actually, R and I have a wonderful plan to end the war, do you want to hear it?"

Excitedly I said, "Of course I do, please tell me!"

L went on to say, "Well, first off we have been building this Lego plane, and so our plan is to invent a laser that will super-size the plane and allow us to fly it over Iraq. Once we are there people will look up into the air and be so amazed to see a plane made out of Lego's that they will not shoot us down. Then, we will drop cans of Silly String from the sky, and it will fall at such a fast rate that when they hit the ground, they will explode all over the people and homes. Everyone will begin to laugh and smile, because everyone loves silly string, and it just makes you silly. After that everyone will need to be cleaned off because there will be so much silly string. So we will then drop water guns from our Lego plane and everyone will shoot each other with water guns instead of real guns. Everyone, both Iraqi and American will laugh so much that they forget there is a war and there will finally be peace throughout the land. So that is how I will end the war in Iraq when I L, become President of the United States of America and my running mate, R, will be the Vice President...but we have to wait until I am 35."

I was in complete amazement and filled with so much joy from his story, I said, "L that was wonderful, I really think that is much better than any other plan I have heard! You should become president!"

He then said, "Well maybe we should write our Congressmen or President first"

So that is how 2 creative kids at Cunningham are going to End the War in Iraq. I am so glad I work with these kids each day.

New Colors in our Chapel

2008-11-08T22:17:00.000-08:00

I will post more tomorrow, I am working on a long entry but I promised my mom I would post these pictures of our new wall-hangings in our Chapel. They are mandala's and celtic knots that the kids made. The explanation is in a previous post. They bring so much color into the Chapel and it excites me to see new colors. Our board loved them at the annual meeting this past week. Enjoy! And I will write tomorrow:)

Out of Many We Are One

2008-11-04T20:59:00.000-08:00

"Out of many we are ONE."

Thank you Barack Obama, our next President of the United States, for reminding us of just that. I am very proud of my country right now.

If you disagree and are angry with the election, I am sorry, but I am going to bask in this historical moment for awhile.

My friend Meg is in Grant Park right now and I am very jealous. I will be at the inauguration, mark my word!

Halloween

2008-10-30T16:06:00.000-07:00

My little sister Amie is sooo creative:) Look at her awesome Halloween Costume! She is a diet coke can, it was all her idea too! I miss her!!!

I haven't written in awhile, but that does not mean there hasn't been a lot going on. Actually, I have been very busy with all kinds of stuff both at work and in my social life. I just started leading more groups at work, so every afternoon is packed with those. It's nice to have more one on one or small group time with the kids so I am enjoying that. I have to work really hard in the morning to get everything done before the afternoon comes but it's nice to be busy.

Last night, we had a going away party for one of our kids, T, who is moving into our foster care program. It was sad, because I have gotten to know her and will miss her. Last night she walked the labyrinth at our Chapel service and it was really meaningful. I even teared up. It is a wonderful idea to have our kid do this before they leave, because all the kids and staff surround the labyrinth and hold candles and the child leaving enters the labyrinth and we talk about their journey while they are here. Then when they arrive in the center, we hold our candles towards the child and say a prayer to bless them on their new journey once they leave Cunningham. Then they walk the labyrinth in reverse to begin their new journey. It' really a beautiful moment to witness.

Today, I attempted to go and vote early but it was going to be a 3 hour wait...so I decided I would vote on Election Day instead. But I am so glad lots of people are going out to vote!

Also today we had a Halloween party for Cunningham kids and it was so much fun! I dressed up as the "Wicked Witch of the West". The kids had amazing outfits and just had me laughing the whole time. Today made me realize just how much I love my job. This weekend I will have more time to reflect further!

In the midst of being sick, there was still so much joy

2008-10-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

So I have been pretty sick since I got home from Chicago on Sunday. It started out as just a sore throat and a cough and has progressed into a fever, migraine, chest congestion and worse sore throat/cough, along with an upset stomach. I have barely eaten anything, which definitely is a sign I am sick! It has been hard to focus at work and after an extremely exhausting Wednesday, my boss called this morning to see how I was, and we both decided that just grabbing my stuff from work and heading back home was the best thing to do. So I worked a little this afternoon, and slept a lot as well. I am feeling a little better but we will see what tomorrow brings. I am supposed to go camping tomorrow-sunday morning and I REALLY want to go, but I can't if I am still sick like this.

Oh a more joyful note...I have some sweet things to share from work. First off here are some reflections on the Mandala's our kids made in art class. Here is some background on Mandala's + some reflections from the kids:)

Mandala simply means a circle. They are ancient symbols representing the whole world or the life cycle and first appeared in Asia. Celtic Spirals also represent the whole world or the life cycle and appeared all over Europe beginning around the 5th century BC. Some believe that both symbols represent the movement of the spirit through different experiences: spinning into the center of the world and then catapulting out again to journey on a different path.

These are some of the things the kids said about the knots:

“The knots represent love, passion, loyalty and tender care.” 11 year old boy

“Think about it – the knotted dragons represent the 2 sides of each of us. We may be tangled up in knots and ugly on the outside, but beautiful on the inside. And every body has a heart.” 14 year old boy.

“We may have things that hold us back, but we are still beautiful” 15 year old girl

When we were working on the paintings one of my students said they were all like the Circle of Courage (our model for our agency, it is adapted from a Native American child rearing practice, you can see more on our website)

This is how she explained it:

Belonging – because we worked on them together.

Mastery – because we finished all of them.

Independence – because we came up with our own ideas.

Generosity – because we are giving them to put up on campus so everyone can see them.

I just love the things they say:) Also our chapel service last night went great, our theme was, "Take a walk in someone else's shoes"...I will write more on that later!

Chicago Bound:)

2008-10-16T16:36:00.000-07:00

I leave for Chicago in the morning on Amtrak:) I am so excited to see my good friends Ashley and Trish that I worked with/lived with in Philly 2 summers ago. We have all been anxiously awaiting this little vacation for awhile now and I can't believe it is finally here! We are going to go see the So You Think You Can Dance Show of the top contestants from this season on Friday night, traveling around the city on Saturday, and then we all leave Sunday afternoon/night. We all love So You Think You Can Dance and are huge fans, especially of Twitch and Joshua. I will post pictures and write more about my trip when I get home on Sunday night!

Be The Change...again

2008-10-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

I am going to babble for a few moments here as I write this..I guess I have to stay true to my nickname/blog title. I have been re-reading Be the Change by Zach Hunter. I love this book because it was written by a 15 year old and it just good for everyone to read to wake them up to the injustices going on around them. I have been reading it because one of our kids wants to share in Chapel in 2 weeks about some populations that are dealing with injustice. Her father was just deported a few weeks ago so one main thing on her mind is immigration, but also child slave labor, child soldiers, and other kids that have been abused like the kids here. Her theme is "Take a Walk in My Shoes". To see a kid who has been through so much pain and suffering want to share with other kids who have been through pain as well about injustices going on with others just makes me realize even more that we must become like a child and LISTEN TO THE KIDS! They know what they are talking about. It further makes me realize why God wants me to be here. I am supposed to bring a voice to the marginalized population of children and youth, especially children and youth that have been cast out by society and hurt by society as well.

Back to the book. There is a section that discusses the "social gospel" and how many people are afraid of that term. He brings up the fact that many people don't want to call it the social gospel because then they would have to admit that being a christian is about more than just being holy but also about serving the poor and bringing justice to God's kindom. He says that he doesn't understand why everyone is arguing because and I quote,

"Compassion is an overflow of the gospel - The Good News of Christ's sacrifice. Compassion says we have embraced the relationship with God through Christ. It's not that we have to earn our salvation by doing good things, but compassion and service flow out of us because we are filled with God's love. If we don't take care of orphans and widows, if we don't care for the poor and hurting, how can we say we belong to Jesus?"

I read this at a perfect time today as I was struggling with thinking through all my interactions with kids this week. It was a rough week. The Chaplain was gone to a conference and I was on my own and of course lots of unexpected things came up. I got stressed for about the first time since I have been here and I know it did not help some interactions I had with kids. I became very self-aware of that yesterday and realized I just will not be able to do everything this week, and that is going to have to be ok. My "honeymoon" period with the kids is starting to wear off and some kids are getting mad at me for things. But in many ways its showing that they appreciate that I will put up with them and love them unconditionally. They just have to test that to see if I will keep following through. This is an extremely challenging population to work with and I am realizing that more each and every day. It doesn't make me want to stop by any means, it just makes me want to forge ahead but also make sure I am aware of myself and take time to reflect and re-evaluate.

I had some 1st time experiences this week that scared me a little or just rocked me. (A friend of mine commented recently that all my blog entries are "happy"..well here is one that isn't so much). I tell you these stories because I want you to know about my experiences, not to scare you, not to make you have pity on me or these kids, I just want you to realize how much I love them and how much we all need to fight for justice for them.

This week, I had a kid tell me he wanted to kill himself and then proceed to try to drink a bottle of soap. Then the same kid tried to strangle another kid with a phone cord. Another kid tried to break a window for 30 minutes straight with his fists. A few kids told me they hated me and hoped I died. They tested me all week. It was hard I'm not going to lie...there were times I wanted to run away and cry. But somehow I gained the strength I needed to get through those times and still love those kids unconditionally.

These kids are the modern day "orphans". We MUST love them unconditionally. We MUST or we need to seriously consider if we truly can say we belong to Jesus. We MUST care for the hurting, because they are ALL AROUND us. You might not have 60+ kids with mental, emotional and behavioral problems. But I bet you have someone in your workplace, group of friends, school, or family that is hurting. I am sure you have people in your community that are hurting. I am sure there are many marginalized communities you can work with to help bring about justice for them. I urge you to consider each day if you are being mindful or talking to someone that is hurting, where you can say I belong to Jesus and truly feel right about saying it.

I am saying all this to reflect on my week, to tell myself I need to do all these things. Things are not always easy, and I am pretty sure after work today I am probably going to have a little bit of a crying party to just get out my emotions of the week. But when I take a step back and look at it all...I am just learning to love these kids unconditionally and that is not something you just pick up on quickly...it's a process.

Mandala's & Advice Trees

2008-10-05T16:58:00.000-07:00

Our kids are making Mandala's in art class and are going to make them into a quilt to hang in our chapel! They are gorgeous and I can't wait to see the final product...and the kids really enjoyed making them. It reminded me of the night during my US-2 training that we created Mandala's. Ours were all different, yet somehow they would have made a beautiful quilt as well.

My lesson today for the kids in the 2 younger units went really well. I will take a picture of what we did and put it up tomorrow. We were talking about King Solomon and how he was the wisest king. We made an "Advice" tree and the kids wrote on different leaves people that had given them good advice. Then as they came to put the leaves up they shared why that person gave them good advice and if they listened to that advice. It was actually really moving to hear the kids process through what good advice is. I think the staff were moved by it to, as many of the kids picked the staff as people who had given them good advice. Now the 2 advice tree's are hanging outside of my office on the bulletin board which desperately needed to be re-done and now we have 2 lovely fall like trees on it!

As I was figuring out my lesson for today I stopped to pause and think about people who have given me good advice throughout the years. I realized I probably never said thank you to all of them. I am so lucky that I have a family and friends that give me good advice. So here was some of the advice (paraphrased a little bit)...This would be MY ADVICE TREE:

My dad: To smile and have fun, not to take myself too seriously (as I was about to embark on training this summer, Philly, and REACH)

I wish I could remember his exact words...but when I didn't get Teach for America, he told me something and it calmed me down. Then he helped me find another option for life after college...funny thing, it was the US-2 program. Thanks dad!

After Kevin broke up with me Sophmore year...my dad told me that I had to, "Go Cold Turkey"...don't speak to him for a month. Best advice anyone could have given me. I did and sure enough a month later I was like a whole new person, was going on a mission trip to the Gulf Coast and it was like my life started over. It's funny looking back because I sure didn't listen to his previous advice with kevin.

My mom: "What a great experience to have at your age, soak it all up" (a recent letter from my mom) (mom you always give me tons of advice and are always there to listen to me everyday and I am forever greatful...dad just says less so I remember them more vividly!)

Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do one thing every day that scares you" (well she didn't really give me this advice obviously but I really like the advice!)

Greg: "Rock Urbana's World! Love the children and teens/youngsters fiercely. Feel the flow" (letter to me telling me he was my US-2 prayer partner)

Other people whom always give good advice...

Sally - my dear friend since we were like 5!
Katey B - I love you and always need to hear your perspective since you know me so well
Brittany K - thank goodness you were my roommate last year I always needed you to listen.
Megan M - oh how many conversations have we had where you helped me!
Trish - you are full of wisdom and sometimes I just don't know what I would do without you!
Elyse - I am so glad we are friends because I always need to hear your p.o.v.
Nanee - Let's just say I have a wonderful grandma that always gives good advice!
Sarah S - thank you for being my accountability partner, gracious knows I need to hear your opinion especially tuesday nights hehe!
Sarah M - you tell it like it is and I am so glad you do!
Meg K - US-2 accountability partner, glad I can talk with you about stuff and ask the odd questions!
Kelly M - always giving such uplifting encouragement and also just calling me out! love it!
Jessica L - I mean seriously how can I even describe my love for you and your advice!
Kara B - always is my partner in crime in discussing all of our wonderful plans of saving the world..

And I could go on and on all night. I love you all and am forever greatful for my friends and family whom give me a wealth of wise advice! What would I do with out you all????

A new season...my favorite season

2008-10-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written in awhile, I have just been really busy with lots of stuff at work and also am starting to enjoy a social life as well! It is funny how I will be preparing a lesson for the kids and then I end up learning so much from the lesson and kids as well. It is an awesome experience! I was planning a lesson about "Seasons" last week for our older youth. I was having a hard time picking a lesson and then I came upon one about Seasons and thought it was perfect timing since it just turned to fall. I had the kids draw things the represented their favorite seasons and the pictures cracked me up! A lot of the kids favorite season was fall, which suprised me because I thought they would have said Summer or even winter because of the snow. But no Fall was the season of choice.

Well if you know me at all Fall is my FAVORITE season, I love it and I am always the happiest in the fall. I love to see the leaves change, the air gets cool, it's perfect hiking and camping weather, sweatshirts, jeans, and boots are normal attire...basically it is just glorious! I just love to feel the summer being blown away into fall. Fall also appeals to me because it represents a lot of change. The leaves change colors, they fall off the trees, and everything prepares for the coming winter. I think that might be why these kids picked fall as their favorite season (minus the fact there is halloween and they can jump in the leaves)...but also because it kind of represents a time of change, where we shed off the past of previous seasons slowly and then are given the opportunity to be still and collect ourselves in the winter. These kids have been through a lot, and they just want to start over in many ways...not forget the past but be able to forgive whom they need to and just move on. I think fall brings hope that, that can become a reality.

There was my deep message haha. Now for some excitements I have for this Fall season...

1. I am going to Chicago Oct. 17-19 to visit with my friends that I worked/lived with in Philly last summer!! We are going to see the So You Think You Can Dance Show and tour the city! It will be nice to see some friends:)

2. I am going Camping the 2nd to last weekend in Oct. with some friends from my Grad Bible Study! I am really excited, because I LOVE camping and thought I wasn't going to be able to go this year.

3. Spending the fall with some amazing kids and staff here at Cunningham:)

And some prayers...

*We have some kids leaving soon, and they just happen to be some kids I have gotten to know really well. I am going to miss them, but I just ask for prayers that they will be sent to good foster homes and be able to succeed after this program.

*That I will find the right balance in the midst of all of the newness of a new job, a new town, new friends, etc...

Thank you all for your support, and I pray that your Fall season will give you each a time to shed off some of the past to prepare for what God has instore for your future.

This Little Light of Mine, I'm gonna let it shine!

2008-09-25T05:13:00.000-07:00

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Oh Tuesday I was coming back from a day full of training and I grabbed my stuff from the office and was headed out to go home, when I heard some singing. One of our kids had come up to the Chapel to let out some steam through singing. Already 2 other staff had joined in on the singing. He saw me at the door and told me I had to come in and start singing as well. After a few minutes we had the whole Public Relations department in the chapel singing "This little light of mine". He had us make up different verses and it was hilarious. I haven't seen our staff that happy in a long time. He wanted us to close with sharing our favorite scripture and then praying together. It was simply adorable, and a complete "God moment". I wish you could have all been there to hear him sing and see us, it was really funny and wonderful. That's all I just wanted to share that with yall!

The Windy City

2008-09-21T07:07:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to write a quick note. I loved my trip to Chicago! It was great to see a familiar face and have some time to chat and process the last month with another US-2. I know I needed it and I think Meg did too. We walked a lot over the 2 days I was there and I am worn out! But we did get to see a lot of the city and now when others come to visit (HINT HINT) I will know where to take people!

This is one place to the left that we went that is in Millennium Park. People call it "the bean" or the "cloud gate" it is all stainless steel and if you go underneath it you get to see this...it's pretty sweet, and there are
Meg and I waving!!! It is sadly one of
our only pictures together!

We ate lots of ethnic food...thai, mexican, and american diner. She lives in a really cool Co-op community house and I enjoyed staying there. I will post some more pictures from the trip later. But for now I am completely exhausted and need to get some sleep before another crazy week begins!

Thank you all for reading my blog!
Come visit me and we can go to Chicago!

Cornfield sunsets & lots of joy

2008-09-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

These are not my pictures but I wanted to share the beautiful sight I saw last night but of course I didn't have my camera with me! Outside of my little Champaign-Urbana city you hit country and cornfields. It is actually really beautiful out there. I unexpectedly got to see the sunset out in the country last night and I am so glad I did. It looked just like these pictures! Everyone that told me the midwest has the most beautiful sunsets...they were certainly almost right. They have BEAUTIFUL sunsets, but I cannot discount the gorgeous sunsets of NC at the mountains and the beach.

I also had a great time at the Grad bible study I am going to now. I am starting to make friends with the people there and it is really nice to have a group people around my age that love God and are seeking to live more faithfully for him. I thank you for all the prayers on this because it has been hard but I am finally feeling that this is slowly taking care of itself.

Work is going great too! Compared to a week or 2 ago my life is feeling a lot better all around. I do not have anything really insightful for you right now but maybe after tonight at Chapel. I will be gone to Chicago this weekend to visit my fellow US-2 Meg! I can't wait and I think it will be a great time for us to enjoy each others company, swap stories, and enjoy the city of Chicago (which I have never been too!). After leaving NYC, and having lived in Philly last summer, I am kinda missing the big city life slightly so I think it will be a good time! I miss you all! I officially will be in NC, December 22 - January 6th, so let's make plans!!!

We are one body, one body in Christ

2008-09-11T17:51:00.000-07:00

Chapel this week was wonderful. I wish I could have video taped it and zoomed in on each person's facial expressions throughout the whole service. Here are the highlights:

1. Choir practice for the girls for the hour before Chapel was WONDERFUL everyone came with an open mind and ready to sing & praise the Lord. I enjoyed singing with the girls.

2. The girls even sang parts in the music during the service and they sounded BEAUTIFUL! They sang, Agnus Dei and Answer Me. The words were just so simply beautiful,
"Alleluia
Alleluia
For the Lord God Almighty reigns"

3. T, one of the girls I am starting to build a relationship with sang a solo. She sang, "We are one body"...we sang it a few weeks ago (ironically on a night that the girls choir was in uproar and were not acting like they were "one body in Christ".) But for some reason it really stuck in her head and she felt God leading her to sing it again in Chapel. So she did and I cannot tell you how hard it was the fight back the tears. She had everyone on their feet singing, clapping and praising the Lord for how amazing he is and how he works in all these kids lives. I mean all the kids, all the staff, she had everyone up out of their seats! PICTURE...about 40 people, of all races, all ages, all different backgrounds, many kids that have been sexually abused, physically abused, that have mental diagnoses of all different variations...all in one room, listening to this young woman who has been through SO much, praising God through her voice and singing...

We are one body, one body in Christ;
and we do not stand alone.
We are one body, one body in Christ;
and he came that we might have life.

Can you hear them crying, can you feel their pain?
Will you feed my hungry, will you help my lame?
See the unborn baby, the forgotten one,
they are not forsaken, they are not unloved
I am the Way, the Truth, the Life, I am the Final Sacrifice,
I am the Way, the Truth, the Life;
he who believes in me will have eternal life.
I am the Way, the Truth, the Life, I am the Final Sacrifice,
I am the Way, the Truth, the Life;
he who believes in me will have eternal life.
(to Verse 4)
I have come, your Savior, that you might have life,
through the tears and sorrow, through the toils and strife.
Listen when I call you, for I know your need,
come to me, your shepherd, for my flock I feed.
On the rock of Peter, see my Church I build.
Come receive my spirit, with my gifts be filled.
For you are my body, you're my hands and feet.
Speak my word of life to ev'ryone you meet.

4. And to make things even better, the Chaplain spoke about "taking a step out in faith" and the kids got to touch water from the actual Jordan River! The kids thought this was the most awesome thing ever and they all took it really seriously and paused before they touched it. I mean I was really intrigued by it too.

5. To end the night the Boys Choir sang. Which they are the sweetest boys, they work so hard and are just wonderful. They dressed up in button downs and khaki's and sang their hearts out to "Open the Eyes of my Heart" and "Lord I lift your name on High"...and let me tell you everyone was back up on their feet supporting the boys.

We truly were "One Body in Christ" last night and it was beautiful. The kids bring so much joy to my life. I was such on high last night when I got home, I was just so excited to be here.

Polar Bears, Garbage Trucks, and future Presidents

2008-09-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

I must say that I just got back from 2 of the best hours of my life! I walked out of my apartment around 7:30 thinking I had plenty of time to get to one of the units to read at 8. But then over halfway there I realized I had forgot my keys to get into the unit. So I had to walk briskly back. Then it was 7:45 so I decided I would bike to work. So I ran and got my bike. I didn't take into account that it is REALLY windy tonight. So the not so strenuous bike ride turned into a good work out lol. I arrived at the unit at 8:01. Well then it was fine because the kids bedtimes just got moved to 8:30 or later so I had 30 minutes to chill with the staff and some of the kids which was fun. Then I read to 2 of the kids. I had gone to the library and brought them a selection of about 8 books. The first kid, Z, is just the most amazing kid and such a cutie. He told me that he wants me to get books about Caterpillars for next week. Then he asked me to pray with him before I turned the lights off. It made my heart melt.

After reading to Z I went down the hall to L's room. He picked the 2 longest books, 1 about Garbage trucks in NYC, called, I STINK, which is really cute. And then he picked a book about polar bears in the North and global warming. They both have a really good message. But the funny thing is, we were reading the Garbage truck one and L got to the part where they were dumping trash into the Hudson Bay and he said, "Brooke, that is a disgrace! That is uncalled for. When I become President I will be fixing that problem, yes I will be the first president to fix it!". I love his enthusiasm and excitement to make the world and God's creation a better place. He also asked me to pray with him and it just meant a lot to me.

Then J one of the kids I was supposed to read to fell asleep while I was reading to L, so we just decided I would read to him next week. But one of the older girls T told one of the staff she wanted to talk to me for a bit. So I ended up talking to her for like 30 minutes and it was just really good. She really poured out her heart to me and told me she wanted me to get to know her. This was really good because she is in Gospel Choir with me on Wednesday's and I need to build a good relationship with her. I just sat and listened as she told me about the hard times in her life, her struggles now, and what she wants for the future. At the end we prayed together and just thanked God for that time together. So we are going to make that a time for us to talk since she has a later bedtime. It means later nights on Monday's, but I think its all worth it.

I just had to share that with you all. Praise God, is about all I can say about it, it was just one of those wonderful nights. On my bike ride home I just let the wind blow on me a fresh sense of God's embrace and now I am going to bed very happy:)

One Day

2008-09-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to post lyrics to a song one of our kids wrote, they had it published in the Agency newsletter so I feel it is ok to share this information with you all. This is just an example of the extreme creative nature these kids have. Today I led groups for 2 of the units and they really showed their creative side when I asked them to think about their journey and how God has protected them on their journey's. I showed them different artwork, songs, poems about different people's journey's and how they felt God helping them along the way. I used a song from the group Alathea called, Be My Guide, then a painting by an old friend Jonathan (picture on the left) that is showing God leading him out of dark times, and then a poem I wrote about life being like a Labyrinth. It amazes me how these kids who have been through so much crap, never blame God for it. Their faith and strength is so much beyond my own. I am learning from them each and every day. They know God is their protector, and they know that their Help comes from the Lord like it says in Psalm 121: 1-8. I just ask for continued prayers for the young men and women that I work with, that they will always feel God's protection for them on their journeys.

One Day
by T, a resident at the home

VERSE:
One day the world will be a better place
For each and every single human race.
This is a dream we all have to chase.
We need hard work and persvereance.
No matter what rank of their experience.
We need to understand each other.
Through good times and bad times, sunshine and thunder.
We need to be more positive about ourselves.
We need to throw away the bad times, put them on shelves.
Do what's right for us. Gain and learn how to trust.
We need to teach the next generation love and how to love.
Teach them positive things - stay away from drugs.
So one day we will overcome.

CHORUS:
We will overcome
We will overcome
Streets, projects, and slums
No matter where ya from
We will overcome someday

VERSE:
The Lord says to worship him, not false idols.
For the Lord has the almighty title.
No man can overthrow the Lord's reign.
He taught His love through Bibles, books, and glass of stain.
The goodness of the Lord drives me insane.
I can't get Him out of my mind, blood and veins.
So when you sit there hurt and in pain.
He'll get you through it.
Yes we will overcome.

CHORUS:
We will overcome
We will overcome
Streets, projects, and slums
No matter where ya from
We will overcome someday.

Calls, coffee, prayers and a letter

2008-09-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

God never ceases to amaze me. He definitely has a lot of people looking over me and out for me. There is that "Great cloud of witnesses" cheering me onward each step that I take, and there are also so many people on earth hear cheering me onward as well. I had a pretty down week. I am having a rough time not having met a lot of people yet. It's been hard, and I have shed some tears over it. I feel like I am trying everything and it's just not working. Yet, somehow I have gotten through it and am standing strong. That is all because of God and every single person that has prayed for me, called me, sent me mail, e-mailed me, or just thought of me throughout the last month.

I am thankful to my friends from college that keep me updated with life back in Boone, but also listen to me and listen to my new experiences. I am so glad they call me, make me laugh from a far, and are just there for me. I cannot thank my family enough for calling me each day or letting me call them multiple times during the day. For my brother putting up with me texting him to check on him, and also tell him about my life. For all my US-2 family for listening to me vent, or share the good and bad times. For their prayers, e-mails, and support I am so grateful.

Today I got home after having a really good conversation with someone from the grad bible study I go to. We met for coffee and it was something I needed so desperately. I am so thankful to Caci for sitting there and listening to me, and also sharing her life with me as well. That was a highlight of the week. But just to make things even better, I got back to the apartment and I had a letter from Greg (one of my fellow US-2s serving in Baltimore, who is also from NC) and he informed me that he was my prayer partner (we had kept it a secret until we all got to our locations). It was a completely unexpected letter and it just gave me the encouragement I needed right now. Greg is a great friend and I am so glad to know I have him praying for me each day, that gives me so much peace and joy.

A great cloud of witnesses

2008-09-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

The last few days I have been feeling the reality of being a missionary settling in. For the first week or so, everything was new and overwhelming. I was just trying to get settled into a new place. Now, even though I am still settling in, it is becoming more of a reality to why I am here. I chose to answer a calling I felt from God to go out and serve his people, the marginalized in society. He called me to a place I never thought I would live, Urbana, IL...a place where I know no one, I don't have a car, and I am 12 hours away from what I call home. No I am not off in Africa or Alaska, but I am away from what is comfortable to me, and from the people I love.

It is different when you go off and do missions for a spring break or a summer, when it becomes your life, each and every day, it becomes something like never before. Going into this I honestly thought somethings would be hard, but I thought I would have a lot easier time making new friends and feeling right at home rather fast. That's how it has always been for me in other places. This time is different, this time it is hard, it's stretching me and challenging me more than I have ever been challenged before. Don't get me wrong, I am not unhappy, I don't think that is the word....but I am uncomfortable, lonely, nervous, and in a state of complete reliance on God.

I love my new job, it is challenging but I am getting to do stuff that I really enjoy. The kids have been through so much yet they have so much joy to bring each day as well. I am learning I really do like this churchish work stuff, even though sometimes the church makes me crazy. I know I am in the right place, and I have not doubted that at all. I am confident that God called me here and wants me to be here. But I'm not going to lie, right now its hard when I come home from work and I don't have a friend to run and see if I had a bad day, or just someone to hang out with. I got spoiled living with all my friends over the last 4 years. I got used to being busy beyond belief each day of the week. Yet each day God is teaching me little lessons of patience, perserverance, that it is ok to struggle and feel lonely, that being in mission is not always easy, the importance of community, and that I really need to learn these lessons.

I was reading a section in this book called, Concepts of Missions that was put out by the UMW. It discusses the scripture of Genesis 11:31 and 12:1-3. It is talking about Abram and how God called him and said, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you." God offered Abram a direction on the road to take, but Abram had no idea where he was going. I kind of feel like that is what happened with God and I. He called me to do this US-2 Missionary program, and that led to the direction on a road to Urbana, IL...but I honestly had no idea where I was going and what I was getting myself into. Yet, Abram was faithful to God and God was always with Abram. The book talks about how later in the scriptures in the Epistle to the Hebrews the writer, "says with a profound sense of admiration for Abraham, that he is one of the great cloud of witnesses for faithful mission because "he went out not knowing where he went" (Heb. 12:8)

The book further goes on to say that "God's call is a responsibility. It is a major undertaking. This call demands our total being." So in all this I find peace to know that there is great cloud of witnesses from ancient times, to closer to the present, that have gone on before me, but have served God faithfully. It was not always easy, but they got through it. They followed the call. So I hope I can remember daily this scripture, that is gaining new meaning for me, from Heb. 12:1 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let us also lay aside every weight and sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us."

Even though some days are rough, and I haven't met a whole lot of friends yet, I thank God for his faithfulness to me, for his love and strength. I thank all the ones that have gone before me that have served in their own ways. This song really encourages me and Carolyn Arends is a beautiful song writer.

I was just four, my grandmother’s place
I knelt by her sofa and started this race
And now I’ve been running for such a long while
I’ve kind of lost track of the miles
Sometimes I press on, sometimes I look back
Sometimes I just lay in the road on my back
When I’ve got to get up and I don’t know how
I hear in the distance the roar of a crowd

It’s the great cloud of witnesses
Cheering me on each step that I go
It’s the great cloud of witnesses
They say the finish is worth every inch of the road

Moses is there, up in his seat
With my Grandad Wilfred, my Nana Bernice (Pa-Paw Dickens and Newsome)
There’s Abraham, Isaac and my buddy Rich (counsin Amie)
And I think they’re shouting "don’t quit"

So if you are tired, and your back is sore
If you’re not so sure you can run anymore
Then just take a moment and listen real close
Do you hear a sound like a heavenly host?

It’s the great cloud of witnesses
Cheering us on each step that we go
It’s the great cloud of witnesses
They say the finish is worth every inch of the road

It’s friends and relations and each generation of saints who believed
And received The Prize
They have looked into His eyes

It’s the great cloud of witnesses …

I close with this prayer from the book...

O God of mission, as we cross borders in our lives, give us wisdom and courage to continue the journey. Grant us vision to see new horizons and new places where your liberating love needs us. In Jesus' name. Amen.

A Brand New Bike:)

2008-08-29T14:51:00.000-07:00

Oh Boy I feel like a small child because I just got a present...it's a brand new bike! You might be thinking that I have completely lost it, but you must understand why I am so excited. Well here are the reasons:

1. I have been walking all over Urbana, and it would be VERY helpful to have a bike to make those trips to Walgreens, the bank, to work, the library and the coffee shop a little quicker.

2. The bus is helpful and I am catching on fast to all the routes, but sometimes you just need some Tylenol from Walgreens and its quicker to ride your bike.

3. I haven't had a new bike in years! Actually I don't even have a bike at home because my parents sold it at a yard sale.

4. It will be a great way to exercise (and it is mostly flat here)!

So that is why I am so excited to be a proud new owner of a bike that my agency so graciously bought for me to help me get around. Actually a church wants to support me, so our financial VP is going to tell them they can help pay for my bike! I love all this connectionalism in the United Methodist Church.

I also went to the Library today, for my second trip there. I still am completely in love with that place. I got some new DVD's, this time Season 1 of CSI: NY and Reign Over Me. Then I got 3 books:

Eleanor vs. Ike - I have always been intrigued by Eleanor Roosevelt, and even though this is a fictional book I thought it might be a good read.

Palestinian Walks- On the back cover Anthony Lewis says that, "This book describes the unique Palestinian landscape, one that looked like a scene from the Bible - and describes what has been done to it by aggressive Israeli settlement and American failure" And since I have been very interested in Palestine and Israel since our training I thought I would read this.

Give Me Shelter - Stories about children who seek asylum - I checked this book out from the children's section in the library. I am looking for books to read to the older kids/teens that have short inspiring stories. I thought many of the kids could relate to children from foreign countries seeking asylum. Many of the kids I work with are seeking asylum from their homes, their foster homes, the "system", abuse, neglect, etc...If you have any suggestions of books for kids let me know! Our kids/Teens are 9-19, and we are looking for not just christian books, but stories that inspire.

A coffee shop and a beautiful campus

2008-08-27T04:59:00.000-07:00

I gave in yesterday and bought a University of Illinois t-shirt. I just could not be in such a spirited college community without jumping on the bandwagon.

To the left is a picture of the Main Quad on the campus, it is GORGEOUS! Yesterday I headed down to campus around 6 because I had a bible study at The Wesley Church at 8. I am glad I came early because I was able to sit on the Quad for a little bit and read. There was a concert going on at the Union so I
even got some free entertainment.

This is the Engineering Quad, which is also really beautiful. Engineering is a huge major here and people come from all over the world to this university for that.

I also went to a wonderful coffee shop, called Espresso Royale and got some dinner, read for a little bit, and then got some coffee to go. I will definitely be back there!

This is the Illini Union which is really awesome inside and its really cool that it is such an old building. There is also a coffee shop in there and lots of places to sit outside. This is at the South end of the Quad.

This is the Auditorium on campus and it just looks gorgeous at night with the lights. This is at the north end of the Quad.

And I just could not, not post the statue of Lincoln. I mean I am living in the Land of Lincoln!

Anyways, I had a good night because I was able to get down to the campus and it is just a really fun area with lots to do. Then I went to the "Grad meet and Greet" and it was a nice time of talking and fellowship with like-minded people. I will definitely be going back next week. Well I should get going I have to meet the Cunningham Board today!

Prayers are needed

2008-08-26T05:17:00.000-07:00

I feel that there just needs to be a lot of prayer right now. For all the kids I work with, all the staff and teachers due to school starting tomorrow. Also the teens and my friends that are missionaries in Philly really need a lot of prayer right now, so I would appreciate some prayers for them. I would also like to lift up prayers for my friends that are starting teaching for the first time this year. Also for my friends that are still in college, prayers for them to enjoy their year and also work hard. For my younger brother, Page, that he will really enjoy college and embrace it. And then prayers for me that I will be able to find some good friends here in Urbana. I am going to a young adult bible study tonight and I hope that I will really enjoy it, or be able to find another place to be involved.

Things are going really good, just still trying to get all settled into working at Cunningham. There are lots of steps we have to get through before I can work with the kids by myself. So I could use some prayers of patience.

Where I work

2008-08-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would do an entry on where I actually work. I found out today I really will not be able to post any pictures of the kids on here unless I get written permission. Some of our kids do not want anyone to know they are at Cunningham, and so we have to respect that right. I will definitely take pictures of different things we set up for in Chapel, and the area, but the kids pics will be slim. Yet I will be posting any songs they might write, and fun things they say.

To the left is a picture of the Spiritual Life Center, which is where my office is housed along with 1 of the Vice Presidents, our United Methodist Liason, and a few others. Also it is where our Chapel is, which I will post some
pictures of soon. The whole building is decorated with artwork from the kids, its really wonderful.

This picture is of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) which is where around 40 of our kids live. There are around 8-10 in each unit. The units are called Jedi, New Hope, Cornerstone and Goodman. This is where I will be reading to the kids at
night sometimes. And it is also where we do some of our groups on Sundays.

This is the Girls Group Home, where some of our older girls live and some of them have part time jobs. This is still on campus so they are close to all the activities. We also do groups here.

This is the Boys Group Home and this is off campus. Same with the girls, some of them do have part time jobs and are our older kids. And groups are done here as well.

I just thought y'all might want to know were I work. There is more on the campus but these are the main places I will be spending my time at.

The Old Turtle

2008-08-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

I am not really sure how to express the sheer joy I am feeling right now. I almost came to tears during our first chapel tonight, tears of joy & just being overwhelmed that is. I was overwhelmed at how the kids I will be working with come from such broken homes and lives yet they still make the choice to follow God and come to Chapel to learn more about Him. I was amazed at this in Philly too, but I am becoming even more amazed at this.

When I got there tonight I got to meet the girls that are in the Girls Choir. They were singing, "The Heart of Worship", "Humble They Self", and "Amazing Grace". They just have such beautiful voices, and even though there were a few arguments you could just tell how much they wanted to praise God through singing.
Chaplain and I read the book, Old Turtle to the kids last night in a more dramatic way. This book promotes a deeper understanding of the earth and our relationship with all the beings who inhabit it. The kids really seemed to enjoy it. It fit well into our night theme of "Jazz". We had a jazz pianist come in and play for the kids. Chaplain talked about how each person playing in a jazz ensemble adds a little to the full sound of the song, so then it can sound whole and wonderful.

I met a lot of the kids and it was nice to see who I will be working with, one kid said, "So are you going to start reading to us soon??", and I said, "Yes, I am really excited too", and he said, "So am I". That just made my day:)

Thai food, Labyrinths, and a walk

2008-08-19T17:13:00.001-07:00

I must say, yesterday was a good day. Training was much better and it was newer information that I had not learned before so I found it interesting. We learned a lot more restraints and I am glad I will know how to safely help the kids and protect myself if it comes to that. Training was not my major highlight of the day though. It definitely was the Thai food...

You might be thinking, seriously Brooke, the highlight of your day was the Thai food??? Let me explain. After morning training my boss asking me if I wanted to go run some errands with her and she would buy me some lunch. I couldn't turn that offer down, plus I had nothing to do for 2 hours. So off we went to first pick up her son and take him to work and then go eat. I thought this would just be a normal little journey but it turned out to be quite lovely. The Chaplain's son suffers from effects of FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome), he is adopted and apparently his mother drank some during the pregnancy. He has some rather severe brain damage but from outward appearance you would never even know there was something wrong with him. Apparently he was excited to meet me, and I had heard a lot about him already and was happy to meet him too. I am excited to get to know C (I will use abbreviations for people and kids I don't feel comfortable with giving out their names yet) he seems like a great person.

After that we started talking about Labyrinth's because she asked me if I had ever done one. I told her about the one in NYC we did and how I really enjoyed that and had thought about asking to build one here at Cunningham. She then informed me that in fact they made a portable one last year! So I am excited to see it soon. Plus she told me there is one here in Urbana not too far away. It is in the picture above! I have really wanted to do another labyrinth and so this made me really excited!

Then to make the day even better, we went and had Thai food (which I love) at this Thai place in downtown Urbana. It made me think of NYC and we just had a great conversation together.

I had some good conversations with some friends last night, had a nice walk to walgreens, and just felt a lot better about the next 2 years. It might not seem like much, but it was a good day for me:)

And now it begins...

2008-08-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

Well today was my first day of work. I am kind of at a loss for words so far of what to post to everyone...I am journaling a lot but its not very coherent to anyone but me. All week I have training for Therapeutic Intervention Training & other areas I have to train in before I can completely start working with the kids. Yet, Wednesday night we have chapel and I am really excited to meet the kids and really get some reality to what this job will entail. I LOVE my boss, she is wonderful and I am so thankful to have someone so caring and helpful to get me started in this job. I feel like I am going to learn so much from her and from others at Cunningham over the next 2 years. Overall things are going great, I am excited about the next 2 years. I just haven't had much time to process it all.

I have arrived in Urbana...

2008-08-15T18:58:00.003-07:00

I have a lot to say but I am rather exhausted so I will write more tomorrow, or it might have to wait till Sunday when my family leaves. But for now here are some pictures..Here is a virtual tour of my apartment! You enter and there is hallway that you walk through and right on your left is the bathroom, then straight ahead is my bedroom, also in the hallway on the right is a HUGE closet. Then in my room, I have a nice dresser and nightstand, plus a queen bed and a large closet. After that you exit my room and go left into the rather large living room, where there is a couch, tv/stand, computer desk, and 2 end tables. Then you enter into the kitchen/eat-in and there is a cute table with 4 chairs, currently some nice fresh flowers my boss left for me, and then the kitchen which has everything I need! I really like the apartment and am starting to make it my own. Tomorrow we are going to get some more picture frames so I can put them up, but I already have some art work on the walls and some of my pictures.

I also got to see my office today! And where I will be working...pictures will come soon of that, I just didn't have the camera with me today. Let's just say, be excited to be WOWed! I miss you all and thanks for the prayers and support already. I am slightly overwhelmed right now but I am glad to have my family here to keep me sane right now!

Writer's Block...

2008-08-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

I leave tomorrow to head out on our journey to the midwest. We will leave bright and early tomorrow and spend the night on the way, since it is a 12 hour drive. Then Friday we will arrive around lunch time in Urbana!!! All my stuff should be moved in by then and my UPS boxes should have arrived.

This is a picture of "Downtown Urbana", it made me super excited when I saw it online. Not sure what part of it I am really seeing but I kind of like the small town feel of this part of Urbana. I have always loved small towns as long as there was a lot to do! (And it seems like I found just the right place to go live for the next 2 years!) I will post some of my own pictures ASAP once I get there, so you can all see for yourselves the wonderful place I will be living.

I haven't posted in awhile because I have pretty much been at a loss for words the past 2 weeks while I have been home from NYC. I thought if I started writing I wouldn't be able to stop, but I couldn't ever get the courage to start writing. If you know me I am a very big journaler, I love to write in my journal and I actually filled up 2 journals just while I was in Philly last summer. I deep down want to write a book one day. But I was a little worried that if I wrote down how training impacted me, it would mean I would have to say goodbye to that section of my life and admit it was over. It would mean that I would not see my wonderful fellow US-2's for a whole year for most of them. It would also mean I really had to start living out all the things I felt my ignorance had been shattered on. Also it meant the clock was ticking and I would be moving VERY VERY soon.

I thought I was alone in all that for a good 1.5 weeks. Then 2 things happened, a good friend from Philly came for an unexpected visit & I went to Charlotte on Sunday/Monday and my eyes were opened to a few things...

1. Trish came to NC for an unexpected trip, but I was the lucky one because I got to see her! Our time together was short because she has to catch a plane back north, but it was some much needed time. It was good for me to see her because she has been the biggest inspiration to me for wanting to become a missionary. Also the reason I am going into this US-2 program is also because of my experience in Philly last summer. My heart was broken for the people in that community and I will never be able to shake that. Even though my ministry will not be in Philly the next 2 years, I realized I can minister from a far. Just by being a friend to Trish, to listen to the hard times, and just to be there to joke with when things are good or bad. I love her so much and can't even imagine how my life would be if I had never met her and lived with her last summer.

2. I got to see Greg (my fellow US-2 from NC who is going to Baltimore and knows so many of the important people in my life, Brad, Kelly, Daniel, Frank & Carisa, etc...) We had a wonderful time catching up a little and also sharing about how we have felt the last 2 weeks. We realized we BOTH had not been able to write in our journals (he is also an avid journal writer). We pretty much came to the same conclusions of why, but it was good because we both really hadn't taken the time to figure out why we couldn't write. It was also nice to hear that he has had similar feelings since we got back about missing everyone. It is good to know we are not alone in all of this. It was much needed for me to see apart of our US-2 community and be reassured we would always be there for each other in the next 2 years. Thanks Greg!

3. I got to spend some wonderful time with 3 of my FAVORITE people, Kelly McRell, Daniel Corpening, and Kara Brown. I cannot tell you how influential these 3 people have been in my life over the last few years.

I will start with Kelly: she is just such a joy in my life and can always make me laugh, she wants to save the world and has the passion to do so, she embraces everyone and is such a seeker for God, I love the talks we have, and I am so glad she knows she can come to me with struggles and joys and I can do the same for her, she has grown so much this summer and I have never been more proud of her than I was this weekend! I needed to see her, and when we left she prayed for me and for the next 2 years. I was overwhelmed at the moment and teared up. I hope she knows I was praying just as much for her. Love you Kel!

Next, the wonderful Daniel, or his nickname D-Corp: Daniel just got back from a summer in Swaziland, Africa and I was just so excited to see him! Daniel went on my first college mission trip to the Gulf Coast and I will never forget when he played Sweet Home Alabama as we drove through Alabama. Daniel is truly one of a kind and an amazing man of God. He has a servants heart and cares so much for everyone he encounters. I have had some amazing experiences with Daniel and have seen him grow so much through the years. He is the "spiritual mentor" person for the Wesley Foundation this year and I am so thankful that is his position because he has always been there for me to challenge me and support me and I know he will do just that with every leader this year. I loved hearing a little about his trip, and I thank him for listening to my stories from training. When he hugged me goodbye, I almost lost it, but it was tears of happiness as well, just a sense of being so blessed to have such amazing friends that will be there to support me throughout the next 2 years. And I can still support them as well! Thanks Daniel, I love you secret pal:)

And last BUT not least, the AMAZING Downtown Kara Brown: Where do I even begin...Kara has been an inspiration for me for oh so long. She also went on the mission trip to the Gulf with me and that is where our friendship began. I like to refer to her as my "Social Justice Friend". If anyone is passionate about social justice it is her. We would always discuss our "plans for the future" and they all involved various ways of saving the world. She biked across the US last year to raise money for Cancer research, she is crazy, but wonderful! I was so glad to see her and talk about social justice for hours! I want her to just move to Urbana with me! I am going to miss our times together so much, but I know she is just a phone call away. Kara you are forever an inspiration to me!

So after those 3 things...I woke up the next morning at Kelly's house and I just felt so at peace about everything. I was not as nervous anymore to move 12 hours away from home and start a job I have no idea how to do. I could feel the support (not that it wasn't there before) surrounding me from my friends I saw and also from so many more. I just needed that reassurance for some reason. And now I can write again.

Here is a song I have already sent one friend, but I would like to dedicate this to all my good friends...thank you for your support, I love you all.

Here is the link, and below the lyrics. I will write again from Urbana! I am ready for this adventure!

Brett Dennen - By and By

listen close, as close as I am to you ike the bell of liberty, I'll ring a sound that's true and days go by and seasons too in time our love may digress with the words we can renew

oh, i'll tell you that I I love you by and by I don't know if I'd survive without a friend like you in my life

and I know words can be the worst to pervey how it is I feel for you, it's hard for me to say but if we keep it simple, I think it's better that way tingled words tend to lead my messages astray

oh, i'll tell you that I I love you by and by I don't know if I'd survive without a friend like you in my life

this web we weave holds us hand in hand and if we loosen our grips we may weaken these strands so lets reinforce our love and let it echo through the land and if we don't we may find ourselves washed up with the sand

oh, i'll tell you that I I love you by and byI don't know if I'd survivewithout a friend like you in my life

Liberation

2008-08-07T17:37:00.000-07:00

"If you are coming to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you are
coming because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work
together."

The Lovely Alycia Capone shared this quote with us during training and it just really stuck with me..and at the end of training we realized it was something that had stuck with most of us. We actually are going to have it on the back of our US-2 T-shirts! This quote I feel is a beautiful representation of our connectedness as humans. Our liberation is bound up in each others, and we will not be liberated until we are all liberated. I think if we look at everything we do with that idea in mind we could achieve so much more. There are so many things that I have become passionate about in the last year and I feel like we must work together to make any of it change. I am at a loss of words right now...I am usually a big journal writer and I haven't touched it since I got back from NYC. I must have writers block. These are the only thoughts I have written since I got back...

Overwelmed, lonely, worn out, at a loss for words
I need to make a break from the past, but be intentional about not forgetting it
I must fully embrace my new communities
I did this 4 years ago - moved to a new place where I knew no one, and started over...I can do it again...I am stronger and more independent now. I have people holding me accountable, people fully supporting me.

BUT this is all going to be Me and God in the end...a Ragamuffin Follower and a Radical God...this should be one heck of a ride.

This is my new adventure with God. He has equipped me for this, but it won't be easy. He's already changed me a lot and I haven't even left yet.

The Wesleyan Prayer has been all I have really been praying over and over lately...this part:

Let me be full, let me be empty
Let me have all things, let me have nothing
I freely and heartily yield all things to they pleasure and disposal.

I think that is all I can pray right now. It is how I feel, I don't really know how else to describe it.

Being Commissioned...

2008-08-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

Here is my picture of my being commissioned. (if you can't tell I am 2nd from the left) I'm still trying to process the fact I am a missionary and what the 2 years will hold. I know this is the right thing for me and I am very thankful I answered the call. I will blog more on that later.

I have been trying to compile a list of books and resources that I would like to have. You should all definitely check out some of these resources as well. You can see them on the left under my wish list of books and dvd's and also on some blog postings in the future.

On http://www.missionresourcecenter.org/ there are a few things I would like:

1. Who's at the Table? 2009 Program Book
2. A subscription to Response Magazine either 1 or 2 years and here is the website to get it, RESPONSE
3. From Palestine to Seattle Study Guide and Book
4. Global Praise 1 CD

Like Seeds Sown

2008-07-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

Look we made the front page of the GBGM Website !!!

So I am now officially a GBGM United Methodist Missionary. Kinda crazy to think that, but hey its gonna be an adventure!

Here is an excerpt from my journal:

Over 3 weeks ago, I came to NYC as a recent college graduate, bored from a summer of nothing much, unsure of what to expect, having answered the call but not sure what that entailed. Now I'm sitting here 3 weeks later in the park looking over the Hudson River, and my emotions have got the best of me...so I have just begun to cry & reflect.

Yesterday all 8 of my fellow US's got on a plane an left NYC to head home. I was supposed to join them, but due to airlines really not liking me I got stuck in NYC for another night. All i really wanted yesterday wa to go home and recuperate a little before beginning the preperation for the big move on Aug. 14th. Yet for some reason I must stay for an additional day.

It was lonely waking up to no roommate, no one to eat breakfast with, and no US-2 to make me laugh. Honestly, I cried int he shower. I think it was because all my emotions of yesterday had been building up and I just let loose. I wasn't at home, so there was nothing to distract me. Naturally I immediately tried to figure out something that would keep me busy all day so I wouldn't get upset or frustrated. I went to Barnes and Nobel, The Strand, the bank...but on my way to lunch I saw this gorgeous old church, Grace Church, and saw a sign that said, "come in, rest and pray". It appealed to me so I went in. The sanctuary was beautiful, it was similar to Duke Chapel only a little smaller. I found a pew and started to rest and pray, to reflect on the last 3 weeks. I think maybe God wanted me to take this time to be by myself, to reflect on what has happened and what is to come, and to rest because there is a long journey ahead of me.

A lot has happened in 3 weeks. So much to cry happy and sad tears about, so much to laugh about, so much to be challenged by, so much to frustrate me, so much joy. I wouldn't trade these last 3 weeks for anything. My ignorance was shattered and there is no turning back not.

I will stand up, I will be an advocate, an activist, a lover, a neighbor, a friend.

And there is no doubt in my mind that my fellow 8 US-2's will do the same. We are in this as a family. As you see in the picture above, these are my brothers and sisters, and we will fight for social justice and liberation for all of God's children.

"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time, but if you have come here because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together"

My US-2 Family:) Class of 2008-2010

2008-07-23T10:27:00.001-07:00

From Left to Right: Top- Greg Little, Meg Koach, Elyse Christensen, Bonnie Monk, Fawn White
Bottom - Krista Dover, Carolyn Marcus, Brooke Newsome, Sarah Martindell

Well look at us, aren't we cute??? But in all seriousness, we are about to venture out into various parts of the country but we leave NYC not as complete individuals, but as a beloved community of US-2's. I will always cherish each one of these fellow US-2's! More to come soon...

A new community

2008-07-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

We have had the afternoon off today and I am very thankful because I think I needed sometime to process at least a little bit of what has been going on. I know I will only continue to need to process over the next 2 years, but hey I can start now. I said I would write more about my experience at Potter's Field but I was reading my fellow US-2's blog and she has written it well so you can read her words, that are similar to my feelings http://wist.wordpress.com/ (Thanks Sarah).

These experiences and sessions have changed all of us. We have now been shattered of our ignorance and there is no turning back. We must fight these social injustices and we will. I find so much comfort and hope in the fact that 9 of us are about to go out to various parts of the United States and fight social injustices together. Our eyes have been opened and with God's help we will begin to help to open others eyes. It will not be easy, we are all pretty humble about that, but we do have each other. We made our class covenant last night and I will not disclose any specifics but we will be holding each other accountable each month and pretty much daily on how we are each addressing those social injustices and how we are serving God. We have built a beautiful new community of believers that want to go out and serve God through fighting social injustices...how wonderful is that?

Yet over the last few days I have been reminded of the communities of my past, communities that I was apart of for years, or just months, communities that embraced me and that I learned so much from. Those communities I love dearly and have brought me to where I am now.

There is my family community, my parents, brother and sister, and grandparents that have taught me to love and how to love others. They have been there with me through so much and will always support me.

Then there is the community of friends from college, my loving support network of friends that were there to challenge me, allow me to act silly, let me cry, scream, dance, and love. I will cherish each moment that I spent with them.

I was lucky enough to also have a wonderful community of Reach Workcamp Friends that will always be a special family to me, where I met my good friends Megan and Breck and where I will always know I have a place as a "red shirt volunteer" in the summers.

Another community that means a great deal to me is my community from Philadelphia, my dear friend Trish and her hospitality to let me live with her last summer, and everyone from Cornerstone that welcomed me with open arms to serve alongside of them and teach me how to be a missionary.

All of those communities have led me towards this community of Young Adult Missionaries that I am apart of now. I urge everyone to reflect upon the communities of support you have had throughout the years, they are a big part of your journey. And it is, the journey that defines us...

S'mores and Comedy

2008-07-19T13:53:00.000-07:00

Subway rides

After a few tries we got a good one!

S'mores???Inside, is that legal?

Elyse and Silly Sarah

Krista, Meg and Elyse

Greg and I with our s'mores

Look at the cute roomies...

Last night we had the night off and we all went in various directions. Meg, Elyse, Krista, Sarah, Greg and I went to an organic restaurant for dinner, then s'mores at Cosi for dessert (it was a nice reminder of Philly) and then we went to the Broadway Comedy Club. It was a blast and hope you enjoyed the pictures!

Meet the Family....and Potter's Field

2008-07-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

Finally a Roommate picture!!! This is Elyse the best roommate and friend to have pillow talk!
This is Greg on the long subway ride being silly
Oh Sarah you make me laugh so much!!!
The Family being silly
Fun times with the US-2 Family....dinner...
Sarah and Meg riding the dolphin
The group...L to R...Fawn, Greg, Meg, Me, Elyse, Bonnie, Carolyn, Krista, Alycia, Sarah
Krista and I on the subway

Today we started the day off speaking with Willie Baptist, a former homeless man who is part of the Poor People's Initiative from Union Theological Seminary. He was a great source of knowledge and a wonderful person to hear first hand about the struggle the poor and homeless face. He was challenging the church to MOVE to change this issue and he told us that all great change comes from the church initiating it. I will be writing more on this later. But I wanted to share about an experience we had this afternoon that correlated to this mornings discussion. The picture above is of a sign we left at Potter's Field in NYC on Heart Island. The sign says, "We have come to remember our brothers and sisters who have gone on before us. We recognize them as sacred, now and forever more. Amen". We went to this place because it is where the homeless and "unbefriended" people of NYC are sent each year to be buried. There have been over 600,000 buried there and over 8,000 a year and 1500 of those are infants. We know we need to address this problem, so we began by holding a service for the people buried on Heart Island. You cannot actually get to the island unless you are part of the department of corrections or with this organization that is working to bring justice to this issue http://www.picturethehomeless.org/ . I urge you all to learn more about the injustices that involve the homeless in the US. I have so much to say about this but I need some time to process.

I needed to speak up....

2008-07-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Hand in Hand, we the people of Park Slope United Methodist Church - black and white, straight and gay, old and young, rich and poor - unite as a loving community in covenant with God and the Creation. Summoned by our faith in Jesus Christ, we commit ourselves to the humanization of urban life and to physical and spiritual growth."

-- The PSUMC Creed

Tonight we went to a wonderful church in Brooklyn for a Taize service of silence, prayer and meditative songs. It was wonderful experience. What caught my eye as we entered the church was their creed on the outside of the church. That is what you see above. It just made my day. Some of you might be reading this and do not agree with the creed due to your feelings on homosexuality. I do not mean for this to be a time to argue or disagree. It is something I wanted to share because this Creed is how I feel each church should approach ministry and community. It was refreshing to know that there are churches out there that do. I guess I have been afraid for a long time to speak up for how I feel ministry should be approached because I felt I was younger and did not have a voice or I wanted to avoid confrontation and conflict. Yet today I feel empowered to bring this up and to share how I feel. Today we discussed power and gender in one of our sessions and I decided to take some advice from that. Some days you have to pick your battles but sometimes you just have to stand up for what you believe is right. Today I am standing up, I am using my voice. Not to be a voice of conflict but a voice to cause people to ask the hard questions of why? To open dialogue. To let everyone have a voice at the table. So my opinion is this....

We have no right to judge people, that is God's job. Jesus went into mission and spent time with the marginalized. He went where everyone else would not dare. He embraced every community he came into contact with. I feel he is calling us to do the same. We should not exclude the GLBTQ Community (Gays, Lesbians, Bisexual, transgender, and queer community) from being in worship and community with us and we should not exclude them from leadership. It is our job to love our neighbor no matter their sexual preference.

Everyone needs a place at the table (and at sunday morning worship), and they need to feel safe and welcomed there.

You might not agree with me, you might be mad at me. I hope you will still accept me in our communities we have made together. I cherish each community I have come into contact with over the years. Let us all learn to be in an open, loving and excepting communities.

Reflections on what Mission is...

2008-07-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

We had a speaker come talk to us today about what it means to be in Mission and what Mission is. So here are some random thoughts and things we talked about I thought I would share. First off here is the Wesleyan Prayer that I find is beautiful and want to share it with you...

I am no longer my own but yours.
Put me to what you will; rank me with whom you will.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for you, or laid aside for you, exalted for you, or brought low for you.
Let me have all things; let me have nothing.
I freely and wholeheartedly, yield all things to your pleasure and disposal.
And now, glorious and blessed God, Father, So and Holy Spirit, you are mine and I am ours.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on Earth, let it be ratified in Heaven.
Amen.

I just really feel that this is a beautiful call to mission and our life with God.

Mission Is...

Multi-directional and polyphonic, multi-centered, not linear
moving from the center to the margins because God always moves to the margins
linking people, opening the dialogue between the rich and marginalized people
to hear the cry of God, identify the "sinned againstness"
to scratch where it itches
saying NO to alienating people from their culture
working WITH the people to address the negative aspects in their areas
saying YES to being God's people with all God's people

We also learned a lot about the Israel-Palestine Conflict and I am so thankful I am learning about the injustices that are taking place in this world. I hope I will become and advocate for this and much more. Things are going good...I have had to take a lot of time for myself lately but I am feeling refreshed. We have been here for about 10 days, it feels like 20! But I am glad we still have a lot more to go. This is definitely where I need to be.

2 Trips to Chinatown, Talks in the park, sunsets, and the piano bar...

2008-07-13T14:22:00.001-07:00

So I have had 2 experiences in Chinatown this week. We did a community Mapping Activity and split up into a few groups and went to various locations around Manhattan Island. I got the opportunity to learn about Chinatown and the lower east side where there has been a long history of immigration. The Irish were the first to settle in that area and then came the Italians and now it is the Chinese. But right now the government, big corporations and developers are coming in and taking back the land where there are low income housing and making it into million dollar properties (it is waterfront property). This causes the people in the area to become displaced and loose their homes the place they have come to to try to achieve the "American Dream" or come to have a better life. It makes me sick how we treat people that are coming to our country. I could go on a soup box about immigration and how we have completely missed the point on how to handle "foreigners". Maybe everyone needs to re-read Exodus. Besides all that it was a great experience to see different cultures and also I enjoyed worshiping at a UMC church there this morning. I am a little sick of chinese food though..

Talks in the park...well let me just say that is one of my favorite things about this training is the people and the wonderful conversations. The other night we took another trip down to the pier to watch the sunset and we also sat and talked for 2 hours about relationships and life. I love hearing other people's stories and learning from them. Today I had a blast going to the park with Meg. We went to just relax and read...turned out we talked the whole time but had some much needed conversation. It was a beautiful day and hundred's of people were enjoying the beauty. We enjoyed it under a tree in the shade laying down looking at the sky and feeling the breeze.

Tonight we are headed to a Piano Bar down on Christopher and I am pretty excited. We have been exhausted from so much going on but a bunch of us decided a nice adventure would be good for tonight. So there will definitely be a post about that in the near future.

Overall each day I want to sing, dance, shout, cry, yell, run, jump, hide, love, and dream. It's a lot of mixed emotions, but its wonderful.

I need some energy...

2008-07-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

The days are long during training so I am trying to pace myself by giving myself time in the mornings to be alone walking/jogging down by the river. It's beautiful in the mornings and I love watching the hundreds of people that are on their journey of the day running past. I have found a coffee place, 11th Street Cafe and I am not a regular customer for some Hazelnut coffee in the mornings. They are really nice there and have asked me why I am here and everything...I think I will continue the morning coffee routine.

There is a lot to take in, some long sessions of tons of information, emotional discussions, and also just lots of fun and fellowship. I am enjoying it so much but I also know I need to make sure I don't overdo it. So today was a little harder than the other days for a few reasons I am not going to share right now, but just pray if you would for the times when you really just don't have words. Pray for my friend Trish in Philly, she needs prayers for discernment.

I would just like to thank all my wonderful US-2's for listening to me and being there to talk, I cannot express my gratitude.

Sunsets are beautiful:)

2008-07-08T18:19:00.001-07:00

Me and Sarah at the River

Greg looking at the Sunset
The 3 of us on our night adventure

This is down on the Hudson River at sunset. Greg, Sarah and I went down to the river tonight to just talk and relax, feel the breeze and enjoy each others company while watching a beautiful sunset. We had an intense day but a wonderful one....we made candles, heard more sharing of our lives, went to Queens and went through a labyrinth. It was extremely spiritual and challenging but so peaceful. Our subway ride was fun with jokes and songs:) Then Sarah, Fawn and I cooked dinner for everyone "Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup" it was lovely. I love serving people!!! Then I met a homeless man names Ray and I gave him some food before we ate. Last night we had a fabulous bible study about Exodus 1:8-22 I will share more later. I have just so enjoyed amazing conversations with people and just sharing life together. Life is good, challenging and beautiful...

Listen, listen, listen to my heartsong...

2008-07-07T05:04:00.000-07:00

I thought I would give a quick update about training so far, I'm up a little earlier than everyone else and thought I should take a little time to process the last 48 hours. I got to NY and began to meet some wonderful people that are passionate about social justice and God just like me..it was really nice. My roommate for the training is Elyse who is just amazing and we have had 2 nights of wonderful pillow talk and I definitely cherish that time with her. The first night was rather low-key we got money and the schedule and had a vespers. Today we got up and went to The Church of the Village, a wonderful church near where we are staying that was so completely welcoming and just such a great place to worship. They were so glad we were there to worship with them and they wanted to know all about our placements and were just so affirming and encouraging. We all really enjoyed the music and a few of us got to help serve communion and it was just such a blessing to serve the Lord's supper to a bunch of welcoming brothers and sisters in Christ of all ages, races, and backgrounds:)

After church we came back and discussed the process of "sharing" which we will begin today. We each get around 30 minutes to tell our story of our life...the hard times, the good times, who gives me energy, my relationship with the creator, just a celebration of each of our journey's up until now. I am excited to learn more about these wonderful people I am building a community with. Pray I am open and honest in my time of sharing.

The rest of the day we spent time creating a visual to assist our sharing...I made a children's book and a slideshow of pictures. This time of creating with just a blast sitting and listening to one another talk and just be in each other's presence. We broke for dinner at this all Vegaterian resturant that was really yummy:)

We had a "centering" activity last night where we did Lectio Divina an ancient way of reading the scriptures that is just so wonderful in my opinion. We read Philippians 2:1-8 and focused on a word or phrase the first time, then more each time. I really love how it says "christ emptied himself" or other translations say "he became nothing". Reflecting in silence upon the scripture I really just stuck with the image and idea of completely emptying myself of everything (worry, doubt, frustrating, fear....) We sang a chant that just left me with so much joy and peace and I will leave you with this....

Listen listen listen to my heart song,
listen listen listen to my heart song
I will never forget you and I will never forsake you
I will never forget you I will never forsake you (repeat over and over, while placing your hand over your heart)

I am here in NYC!

2008-07-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know I am here safe and sound in NYC:) My flight was good and I had 2 US-2's Meg and Greg waiting for me when I arrived, after a cab ride we arrived to our destination and have had a few hours to just relax and grab lunch. I am excited about this new adventure, not really sure what to expect but I'm doing a lot better with just waiting on what the Lord has in store. So I say..Bring it on!

*side note but really funny...last night my family and I went to see Kevin Costner's band play at the Durham Bulls stadium to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the movie Bull Durham. There was a huge crowd that showed up and it was lots of fun. As the band finished and they begin to prepare for the fireworks this crazy rather intense storm came out of no where and everyone got pretty much trapped into the stadium, which lost power! We were all getting soaked and could only laugh at that point. Needless to say we saw all God Made Fireworks last night! It was a good family bonding experience:)

Off to Training...

2008-07-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

And the training begins...I am off to NYC in the morning to begin my training to be a US-2 missionary for the United Methodist Church's General Board of Global Missions. I will be joined in NYC by 8 other recent college graduates, and our 2 supervisors. We will be living in the Alma Matthews House that is owned by the United Methodist Women and is located in Greenwich Village. We will be there for 3 weeks and will be commissioned as missionaries on July 27th, 2008. I am not sure as to exactly what we will be doing throughout training but our boss described training as this:

The goal of training is to encounter issues that you will face during your term of service as well as provide some tools to better equip you for the work you are about to engage in. We will give you methods to process and help you form relationships with those who can be there to support you during your time as a Missionary.
· Expect to form a community of young adults among those who are seeking a similar experience and who share similar passions
· Expect a little spontaneity so bring your flexibility
· Expect days that encourage you
· Expect days that anger you
· Expect to go home with more than you came with so leave room in your suitcase or bring an empty bag
· Expect to want to write stuff down so bring a notebook or journal
· Expect the unexpected

So as I head off I ask for your prayers that I will allow myself to absorb a lot of information, be open to building a wonderful community, be flexible & spontaneous, and grow. I am excited and yet a little nervous. I will post updates and also upload pictures on my phanfare site! Feel free to leave me messages! NYC Here I come!!

Please pray for the other US-2's & their placements...
Elyse Christensen - Atlanta, GA
Krista Dover- Detroit, Michigan
Carolyn Marcus- Superior, Wisconsin
Fawn White- Nome, Alaska
Greg Little - Baltimore, Maryland
Meg Koach - Chicago, Illinois
Sarah Martindell - Salt Lake City, Utah
Bonnie Monk - Alabama

Me a Missionary?

2008-06-21T12:02:00.000-07:00

Well I guess the face of today's missionary is ME...

I definately never thought that would be the case until this year. I was pretty darn sure that I was not going to get involved in anything involving church work because I had seen plently of it with being a P.K. (preacher's kid) and my mom is the Music and Children's Minister! I grew up emeresed in the church and as a kid I loved it, as a teen I suffered through it, and it wasn't until college when I took a little break from church freshman year that I realized how much I wanted to be apart of the church. I realized how much it meant to me, how it was a family for me, and I couldn't leave my family. So I went back, got involved with The Wesley Foundation and Boone UMC.

But how I got to that point is all because of service. It was the one thing that I missed so much! My boyfriend, of it seemed like forever, and I broke up sophomore year and I was really upset. A friend encouraged me to go to a college bible study. This was in my phase of "I need to find MY OWN church NOT my parents...and I need to WANT to go, not feel obligated". I honestly didn't want to go, but after days of crying and being upset I felt like I had nothing to loose. With worn out red eyes I went that thursday night. I was greated by a goofy new Associate Pastor with Young Adults, A.J. and a great group of college students. I enjoyed it, but the best part of the night was when A.J. mentioned a trip to the gulf coast to do Katrina Relief. Well this just jumped out at me...it was like Workcamps! I took the form home and stared at it for a long time, was I really actually thinking about going on a trip with a bunch of people I had only met once, and with this college ministry the Wesley Foundation where I had never been before. Was I ready to go BACK TO CHURCH??? I prayed about it, and God answered loud and clear. The next day I signed up for the trip. At that point, like Brennan Manning (a wonderful writer, ex-Catholic priest, and spiritual leader) whom I had eaten icecream with once, said in his book, "The Signature of Jesus"..."the call is enough". At that point the call was enough, I knew God was calling me to start back a life of service, and I said yes, not knowing where it would take me.

I tell that story because it is pretty much parallel to my story of how I decided to become a missionary. It's funny I didn't realize this until I was doing my devotion the other morning and i stumbled upon that phrase, "the call is enough"...I thought about the times that applied to my life and I came up with 2, that was the first, here is the second...

How I decided to become a missionary...

Well let's just say the last year of college can be the best and worst time of your life. As a senior History Secondary Education Major I had the joy of writing numerous papers and doing tons of field experience in the schools. I had to write a 30 page senior research paper on "The impact of the Quakers on the Anti-slavery Movement" for my senior seminar class, along with reading 8 books for that class. I also was taking 19 hours, working as a Peer Leader for Freshman Seminar, and leading a small group at the Wesley Foundation. Not to mention changing friendships, college ministries and more. Needless to say I stretched myself too thin! I had come off of a wonderful summer as a Mission Intern for Cornerstone Community Church in the neighborhood of Kensington in Philly. I fell in love with the kids and teens I worked with, my heart broke for all of them and I didn't have much interest in coming back to college. I did though and worked my butt off to get an A on that paper and some how succeed with 19 hours. I had little time to spend with my friends, and God. It took its toll on me hard. I had a rough time that semester. It didn't help coming off that to the spring with Student teaching.

If you ever student taught, you understand me and feel my pain. You go from a college student with the ability to procrastinate and create your own schedule, to a real person with real responsibilies and a job to help teach the future of America! Talk about a drastic change! I got lucky, got a great teacher to work with, an amazing school, and some wonderful student teaching friends to eat lunch with, grab a beer on Fridays and vent, and carpool the 45 minute drive with every morning at 6:30. So in the end it wasn't so bad, but it was a challege. In the midst of all that I was attempting to find a job and figure out what I wanted with my life.

After my plan failed of not being accepted to Teach for America. I decided to take a break. During that break everyone else tried to help me out...at first it was like salt in a wound and I didn't want to try anymore options for awhile, but I decided eventually I had to listen to someone. My dad called me one day and said, "I have something you might want to look into"...after rolling my eyes I decided I would listen. He said, "It's for people that aren't really sure what they want to do with their lives, but they are really passionate about social justice and peace". I liked the 2nd part a lot. I thought I would at least listen to him. He told me he had talked to some girl named Alycia in NYC about the program that is apart of the UMC. I decided I would look it up. A few weeks later I came across the post-it with the information about it and I decided I would apply. I mean what the heck, I couldn't loose anything.

A month or 2 later....I got a letter in the mail saying that I was being asked to the interviews in NYC for the position with US-2. It kinda through me off because at that point I had figured I was going to be teaching after graduation. I went to the interview. After lots of intense interviews...this isn't a normal interview, they ask you some intense questions about life. Yet it was really nice to reflect. I loved the people that were interviewing and the staff. One of the other girls asked us on the last night, "If you had to decided right now, would you do it". I said, "I'm not sure why, but Yes, I would." That is totally not like me, I need to know details and exactly what is going to be going on for me to say yes to anything! I had no idea where I would be going, and would have to agree to the program before I would find out my placement. But for some reason at that moment, and a week later when I was offered the position, "the call was enough".

So now I am a US-2 Missionary, and I will be working with The Cunningham Children's Home in Urbana, Illinois. I will be the Mission Intern for Special Therapies and Spiritual Activities. I might not be your typical "missionary" that you think of. Yet I will be sharing God's love with kids and teenagers that need it just as much in Urbana, IL as they do in Kenya. So this journey begins and for now, "the call is enough...".

I urge you to find times your life with the call was enough...if you can't think of anything....pray that you will let your heart and life be open to the call. God is funny, you never know where he might send you or want you to be.